si si's dreamland!

"i like it, because it's bitter."

2007-08-06T02:30:00.000-04:00

sometimes, i dislike myself for being two-faced with certain things... certain people.

especially certain people.

i'm so sick of code names or "mysterious" whoevers, but i don't say names for the sake of your feelings. one minute i'm saying happy things to someone and then next, i'm so angry--at the same person. i wish i could hit something, make a lot of noises, get this bitterness out.

God, help me.

honestly, i have so many questionable friendships. am i being used? was i used?

haha, mir said i was used as an ego booster. i was an ego booster.

i wish i was an ego booster for someone who deserved it. not some inconsiderate freak, haha.

one day, when i gather the maturity, i'm gonna walk up to your face and tell you how immature you were. and utterly pathetic.

man, i look forward to that day.

ping pong ping pong

2007-07-25T11:04:00.000-04:00

my new favourite song. :D

yay! i'm going to watch transformers todayy!! *dances*

update on life so far? not much going on except SOFTBALL!! YAAR!!

we've won 2 out of 3 games so far!! and we're gonna play my friend's team again (sac of rice). hm.. i think we have a good chance for playoffs again this year. :D so exciting!! and our team is awesome. :) everyone's so cheerful and lurvely. :P i love how much spirit we have... even when the other team might not be responding in the same manner. it's so crucial to rememeber the Lord when we play these games... because events may hinder us to do otherwise. and also, i think it's more important to set a good example for the non-believers who also play on the teams. :)

man, my dad's gf's daughter has so many euro songs. so awesome. xD *steals many* ^^ they're mostly dj infinity's... who kinna incorporates a lot of euro songs into LOOOOONG 2 houred songs. o.o

anyhow, movie time. :D

here's a rant for you

2007-07-08T10:25:00.000-04:00

softball practice.

greg: yeah, she's good, i think we'll keep her at first base.
jonc: who, cindy? yeah.
*si si's standing at home base, looking very bored and feeling dull cuz she was supposed to play first base*
jonc: dhoui never comes to practice. where's he gonna play?
greg: haha, he'll play home.
*si si is not eavesdropping*
*but that was harsh*
*first base position taken from her*
*and now she is totally ignored for playing homebase*
jonc: then what's si si gonna play?
*silence*

shafted.

throw me around will you? i'll play any position. no skillz here.
maybe they think i don't have any preference.
well, guess what? i do. i -want to- play first base.
but w/e. it doesnt matter i guess.
it never really matters.
not for me anyway.
sorry if i look bored.
i am.
oh, if i miss a catch at home, sorry, you can blame it on me.
no one really remembers where the ball came from.
just where it ends up.
even if it was a bad throw.
blame it on me.
i can take it.
i think.
there's this thing with me being taken for granted.
it happens quite often, actually.
i don't know how it happens.
but it does, and i don't like it.
maybe it's cuz i'm too soft.
i should be more backbone/brickwall?
instead of jellyfish, you know.
cuz i really hate it when people just bug me without thinking how i feel.
and i realized.
a lot of my friends do that to me.
maybe without noticing it?
but it leaves a wound you know?
like, a big wound.
with blood everywhere.
kinna like jonchen's injury.
but enlarged.
and it's on my heart.
can i ask you something?
does it even matter what my feelings are?
i mean, do people have any consideration?
or are they just stupid?
like, very stupid?
or maybe people are just too selfish to care.
rant all you want to me!
i will take it all in.
i'll take it all as my own.
i can take it, don't worry.
i'll try to help you if i can.
or those who don't want help, just rant to me.
i can't fathom the goodness of that.
but it's okay, rant to me.
i'll take it all as my own.
cuz i'm not someone who can forget another's problems.
i just can't.
perhaps that's one of my weaknesses?
i care too much?
but they don't know it.
the people who rant to me?
they don't know i think of their problems almost everyday.
like i said, i'll take it as my own.
but you know...
except for peggy and jonsy and james...
no one's really helped me.
at least, my questions and thoughts were never eased.
if that makes sense.
maybe no one understands me, that's all.
or no one bothers to understand me.
sometimes, i wonder why God says we shouldn't yoke with unbelievers.
cuz frankly, some of them are a hell lot better than believers.
but that's not surprising, is it?
no, not really.
i mean, i don't wan't to judge people.
but even for myself now...
God seems to only be existent when i have a problem.
my mom used to tell me:
"if you get something you want,
and you think it's from God,
but the method you used to get it,
was not from God,
it won't work out."
i guess it works kinna like this:
i have food to eat, this yummy sandwich of mine.
i thank God! thank You for this sandwich.
but wait.
i stole it.
i'm thanking God for a sandwich that i stole.
oops, here comes the police.
i guess that didn't work out, did it?
the biggy is lying.
lying to get something you want.
maybe if you ask God for forgiveness, it'll be okay.
but everyone knows it doesnt always work like that.
especially if you're half-hearted at it.
good luck, i guess.
too bad God doesn't believe in luck.
but he's a good God, fair and just.
so don't worry much.
it may hurt, more than a little even.
but don't worry much.
God is love.
so i guess this is my rant.
it accumulates, really.
seeing... how it's... very long.
but thanks for reading, those who did read it.

no ipods downtown?? no way.

2007-06-19T00:32:00.000-04:00

it's true. compared to the constant sighting of ipods/ipod earphones/anything ipod related, the downtown area has close to -zero- ipod accessories. they do, however, have the very fatal trend of carrying a cigarette.

i'm not kidding.

i probably took approx. 10 breathes of air without cigarette smoke in it. and that was inside the eaton centre.

what has our society come to? what will happen next? will we be carrying tubes around?

you know what i mean by tubes. and if you don't go look around your school, i guarantee some tubes. and if you don't go to school, well, too bad. :)

on a lighter note...

actually, i have nothing to say on a lighter note. oh, hold on.

I'M DONE MY EXAMS!~

movie time! :D

oh, my job interview? it went great, i guess. problem is that i may have to miss softball once in a while. which i really don't want to... so now i'm contemplating on whether i should do this job or not. i REALLY don't want to miss softball.

anyhow, i'm going to watch ocean's 12.

spiders, photoshop, and the splish-splashing rain

2007-06-03T19:13:00.000-04:00

it's raining!

my mom's chasing a big spider!

and here are the photoshop pictures i made for fun!:

fire:

this one took me too long and it kinna looks cheesy. i think i smudged it a bit too much. it looks much darker on this computer than on my other one. owell~ everything was done from scratch! hrm, i should've made blue fire. looking at this makes me feel really sweaty. bleeh.. -o-;

multicoloured eye:

this one was so fun! hehe... i loved it cuz i was fascinated throughout the whole process. i didn't do this one from scratch though, haha. i only manipulated the iris and the skin tone (changed it to grey so the eyes would stand out more :D). ^^ does it look realistic? o.O besides the fact that it's multicoloured. ah well, i tried. :) (it's a thunderstorm! *jumps for joy* pitter patter~)

and last but not least!

planet:

eee, this one is much darker on this computer than my other computer. >.<; it looks better on my other computer =\ cuz on this one, you can't really see that i've added really dark blue to lighten the black at the bottom and at the top corners (maybe it'll show on your computer? dunno~). that's to make it look more realistic cuz there is light in space, haha (can't be pitch black ^D^). everything is done from scratch except the texture. that i downloaded (it's fuzzy cuz the picture was smaller than my planet so it stretched. owell.) :D the stars took me the longest... so much dotting and duplicating. ^^; i'm not too satisfied with it but i'll live; it was harder than i thought, mostly cuz i was making so many stupid mistakes. haha..

enjoy! :)

a-b-c, easy as 1-2-3

2007-06-02T21:24:00.000-04:00

A
- Available: yes
- Age: still miserably 17
- Annoyance: hypocrites and superficial people
- Animal: dogs... dogs.... and more dogs, thanks.
- Actor: that i don't like? kristen dunst.

B
- Beer: tastes horrible! how can you drink this stuff?? O_O;
- Birthday/Birthplace: sept 24/china
- Best Friend: i honestly don't know anymore. =\
- Body Part on Opposite Sex: hands (i would say eyes but all the guys i liked have been asian or had brown eyes. -o-)
- Best feeling in the world: to know that you're significant

- Big words: iliketomakeupmywordsalotsoalotofwordsenduplookingverybig :P
- Blind or Deaf: hmm. blind, so i don't have to care about looks.
- Best weather: it really depends. i love both warm and cold weather-- it just has to be at the right times.
- Been in Love: i believe so.
- Believe in Yourself?: to a certain extent, yes. how do you expect to accomplish things if you don't believe in yourself.
- Believe in life on other planets?: imo, no, not really. or else God probably would've let us know.
- Believe in Miracles?: definitely.
- Believe in Magic?: yes.
- Believe in Santa: nope, unless my grade 12 calc teacher counts. he's pretty disfigured to be a santa. i don't know why they choose him, really.
- Believe in Ghosts/Spirits: yup.

C
- Car: i don't know. it always changes. hehe ^^
- Candy: hmm... gummy bears? or those peach rings. yum~
- Colour: it's blue again. but apparently, red or forest green looks best on me. heh.
- Cried in School?: ohh yeah.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla
- Cake or pie: ice cream cake, mousse cake, or cheese cake. otherwise, apple/lemon pie.
- Country to visit: europe (not a country, w/e.) and japan

D
- Day or Night: night
- Dream Vehicle: i hate repeated questions.
- Dance in the rain?: i wish! i'll dance if i have someone to dance with. hehe~ :)
- Do the Splits?: used to. now i can't cuz i haven't done it in 6 years. =\

E
- Eggs: give you calcium (i think. it does, right? omg -.-;)
- Eyes: brown
- Ever failed a class?: haha, yeah.

F
- First Crush: my best friend in china. i forgot his name but he was 2 years older than me and he brought me everywhere he went. i was only 6 but i still remember him... *sigh*
- Full Name: no, i'm not saying it cuz you'll laugh.
- First thoughts waking up: "crap, it's school today. oh wait, i have a spare! thank GOD. *goes back to sleep*" <-- only every other day though. sometimes it's "i have to go pee." :) - Food: is not to be eaten at night. :D (except if you have a high metabolism)

G
- Greatest Fear: losing someone i love.
- Get along with your parents?: a minority of the time, yes.
- Good Luck Charm: i don't believe in luck. actually, scratch that cuz i believe whitney and jonchen are lucky. so no, i don't have one. lol~

H
- Hair Colour: black and proud of it. who needs hairdye these days? i lurve me black hair.
- Height: 5'4
- Holiday: Christmas all the way!
- How do you want to die: of old age? peacefully? duh?
- Health freak?: no, not really.
- Hate: spiders. bugs. anything uncute and are alive and are not people.

I
- Ice Cream: green tea!! or cookies and cream~ or french vanilla. mmmm, i want ice cream now. hehe.
- Instrument: flute and piano

J- Jewelry: i will only allow myself to wear one thing at a time (unless it's a special ocassion. then it's all out!! ... haha, j/k. that'd be scary. bling bling*)

K
- Kids: i love kids! well, gr. 3+ if i have to deal with them. gr. 2- are only fun to be with for... at the most, 10 mins. :)
- Keep a journal?: muahah, yeah. my hidden blog! it's very pretty. ^^

L- Longest Car Ride: to montreal. i think it was like, 7 hours or something (we didn't go straight there).
- Love: is considerate but non-overanalytical.
- Letter: um... s? or l or h. i hate cursive s's though. =\
- Laughed so hard you cried: that's everytime. haha. "omg, si si, are you okay?? ahha.." *me laughing and nodding and crying at the same time*
- Love at first sight: no no, it's lust at first sight, remember?
- LAST PERSON WHO...
2. Saw you cry? winna
3 Went to the movies with you? whitney, irene, and james. (spiderman~)
4. You went to the mall with? stella and julie
5. You went to dinner with? whitney, reenie, andrea and the dmci cyber people.
6. You talked to on the phone? some advertising thing.
7. Made you laugh? my brother

M- Milk Flavor: strawberry
- Marriage?: definitely. please God, let me marry. xD
- Motion Sickness?: only if i read books or play video games (<-- in jonchen's car, haha.) N- Number of Siblings: two

O
- Overused Phrases: "i don't care"
- One wish: to be able to live a fairly comfortable life (with a career)(and kids) in the future with someone i love and who loves me.
- One phobia: athazagoraphobia

P
- Place you'd like to live: i don't know. i can't imagine anywhere else other than toronto... so sad. haha.
- Perfect Pizza: i eat any pizza.
- Pepsi/Coke: i don't know. is there really i difference? i dont drink coke or pepsi that often.

Q-Quail: tastes pretty good if you cook it right~

R
- Reason to cry: you're feeling sad.
- Reality T.V. : boring.
- Radio Station: 97.3 or 103.5

S
- Song: recently, it's -don't speak- by no doubt
- Shoe size: 8 or 8.5
- Salad Dressing: italian or the one with the poppy seeds or the orange-red one. :D
- Sushi: sashimi or the eel one, those are the best. any sushi would do though.
- Scent: hawiian ginger or tahitian orchid
- Skipped school: hell yeah.
- Slept outside: nope. i've never been camping before either.
- Seen a dead body?: on tv, yes. i've seen 3 irl but they were covered with something. so i guess... no?
- Smoked?: i would commit suicide before i smoke.
- Shower Daily?: yes. ew, how can you not? *shivers*
- Sing well?: i think i can improve. i'm still trying to get rid of my fear of singing non falsetto. i don't like having people look at me or pay attention to me (unless it was a guy i liked, lol)... so i always sing falsetto. it stands out less. (i can sing -because of you- by kelly clarkson. the key change at the end is killer but it's been doable. o.o;)
- Stuffed Animals?: I LURVE THEM. i have my very own collection around my bed. my bed is where i am queen and is praised by stuffed animals. oh heaven~~ 8)
- Strawberries/Blueberries: definitely strawberries... unless you can find me really sweet blueberries.
- Scientists need to invent: air conditioning or heating bubbles for summer/winter. it'd be so cool! you know.. "ah, it's very hot today. let me step in my ac bubble and stay cooled while i walk to school." oh the joy that day will be... ID

T
- Time for bed: whenever i feel like it. or whenever my mom makes me... =\
- Thunderstorms: i can't live without them. i love thunderstorms.. hehe.
- TV: i don't watch tv anymore.
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: that's so dirty, ew. why would you want to lick your nose... yuck~

U- Unpredictable: i don't know. you'll have to ask someone else. (jay, am i unpredictable? haha... *this is a test to see if you've read up to here!* if you don't answer this, it means you didn't. muahahaha.. but you're not obligated to so i have no means of punishing you. ^^)

V
- Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts, after finally encountering with them.
- Vegetable you love: lettuce and baby carrots.
- Vacation spot: a beach somewhere. cuba anyone? i love that place. the water is transparent! (which makes it very scary, actually. cuz you can see where the sand ends and land just drops from under you. O_O;)

W
- Weakness: defensive. it could be a strongpoint too... but it really depends when.
- When you grow up: i want to travel a lot and see God's world.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: we're all unique, so no one. :)
- Who makes you laugh the most: mo. hehe.. she's so funny. :D
- Worst feeling: being taken for granted or not having your feelings considered or being played
- Wanted to be a model?: no, are you kidding me? i like food, thanks.
- Where do we go when we die: to heaven or hell.
- Worst weather: super hot summer day. ugh, the thought of it makes me feel sticky and icky all over. ew..

X -X-Rays: are hazardous to your health.

Y
-Year it is now: 2007
-Yellow: sun, bees, dandelions, sunflowers, my mom's fave colour, pee, eggs

Z
- Zoo animal: if they have: pandas, polar bears, dolphins, bears, tigers and lions.
- Zodiac sign: libra/snake

pause. consider. go on.

2007-06-01T15:45:00.000-04:00

i guess i should update.

...

yeah well, i guessed right.

a spark of thought

2007-05-18T12:28:00.000-04:00

i think i bottle up my feelings for the sake of other people's feelings.

*sits here and ponders*

yeah, well. w/e.

LONG WEEKEND!

TGFLW (THANK GOD FOR LONG WEEKENDS)!

oh and tgif. :D

clear the way, she's gonna blow!

2007-05-16T22:50:00.000-04:00

i have approximately 12 days before the deadline for acceptances.

acceptances received: 0
rejections received: 2
nothing received: 5
rejections expected: 5
acceptances wanted: 1 (well... 5... but 1 that i really care about)
people disappointed: 3 for certain

jobs applied for: 0
jobs wanted to apply for: 3
jobs offered: 1

teachers wanted dead: 1
teachers i give a rat's bum about: 2
teachers wished for: too many

friends i'm annoyed at: 3
friends appreciated: 4
friends i expected more from: 2
friends lost: feels like 2 but i guess it's 1
friends i hope to connect with again: [edit] 0 (i don't wanna judge this person, but it's really getting to me. the more i see this person life, the more i dislike this person; this person's way of thinking, this person's lame excuses, this person's ignorance. frankly, i don't care about it anymore. i don't want to connect to this person if i don't have to. please, just get out of my life.)
friends staying (no uni): if lucky, 1

days looked forward to: 5
days not looked forward to: 3
days needed for recovery: 365+
days i may receive for recovery (if no uni): 365-
days regretted: too many

times i've told myself i'm a failure: way too many
times i thought about life and cared: not too many
times i should've taken life seriously: too many
times i looked back on and called myself stupid: way too many

times i just didn't give a damn: way way too many

what else is there, really? 12 days... that amount of time determines my future. how depressing. *tear*

temper tantrums

2007-05-09T22:37:00.000-04:00

i wish i could have those w/o people freaking out about it.

i don't know how many people i snapped at today. it wasn't a good thing and oddly, everyone seemed to be on my bad side today. they say the perfect thing to make me snap. it's really, really weird... and i don't like it.

got pissed off at ho today.. no matter what i say, the guy's skull is so bloody thick. the feeling is as if i have no control over my own feelings (odd phrasing... w/e). everyone is so... narrow minded. so selfish, so conceited, so arrogant... so freaking annoying, dammit. it's so... so.... -stupid-.

i'm thinking of the many times my feelings were neglected and probably completely forgotten. i mean, my own very close friend ignores how i feel. i sat there, watching you and him... and i saw the look on your face. i don't care what it's about... i care whether or not you thought about me... and what you guys looked like through my eyes. it really hurt you know. a lot. but i'm guessing you never even imagined that i'm troubled over this. that's what hurts the most. what kind of a friend am i to you? how can you do this to me...

and now i don't even know what i feel. -_-

it's not clear, i know. it's not supposed to be. you're not supposed to know who or what i'm talking about, alright. but my, how i wish i could just tell the whole world, spew out my feelings so i don't have to sulk over them anymore. i'm just so. damn. ANGRY.

and sad i guess...

but really, when was there ever a day in my life where i wasn't sad.

new music is always exciting.

2007-04-23T13:23:00.000-04:00

i have a new singer/band (i dont even know what she is.. haha) that i'm in love with. after hearing the song "goodnight and go" on elena's blog, i knew i'd like her. i was looking for her cd at music stores and i found it once! but stupidly, i didn't bring my wallet so i didn't buy it. -.- i went back for it and it was gone.

it was on sale for 2 for $25! ugh, i should always remember to bring my wallet, even when i go window shopping. hahah...

i tried looking for a prom dress but no luck. i don't know what to do! i'm actually excited and i kind of want to go. but my friends aren't all there... but i wanna go now!

I CAN'T FIND A DRESS!

siiighh.

owell.

oh yeah i never finished my favourite singer/band thingy. yeah, so my fave is imogen heap now. :D AHH I REALLY LIKE HER. SO GOOOD...

okay. i'm done. so what should i do about prom? hmm? =\

like it or not, change happens.

2007-04-21T22:25:00.000-04:00

i've noticed how much things have changed from a year or two years ago.

honestly, it's kind of depressing. but then, at the same time, some changes, i'm glad it happened.

i look at my friends and how close i am with each one of them. some of them have distanced themselves and others still remain close. whether or not the distancing is an effect of who i am or what i've done, i really don't know. all i know is that it really digs a hole in my heart.

i've done somewhat of a self reflection and how i have changed throught the years.

for the better, i've become more open. i know that some may think i've always been open but actually, i was pretty reserved. i guess i've learned to accept the fact that my past, my life, my problems won't change in an instant, or when i need them to. i might as well prepare myself to be more vulnerable and less secretive. that way, i can witness to others too by being more open about things.

as for my friends, they've also changed. i used to hang out with my school friends a lot but after this incident with my closest friend in school, everyone started to drift off in a way. i'm glad and me and farrah are still pretty close... but it just isn't the same. i've become closer with felly people and i've sort of created a dependence on them. i really can't imagine life without these people. honestly, it's just -so- hard. i can't imagine not having the support i have (i'm not saying that i'm all dependent on you guys... :P i can look after myself too :D) and still be the person that i am today. the love that you guys have shown me has reached into me more than you'll ever know or would have guessed. the fact that you guys are my friends makes me feel more whole and that i have something to look forward to in life.

i hope you guys never change. i want to be able to call you guys up and know that you guys still recognize my voice on the phone. i hope it's not too selfish, considering how everyone will have their own families. it's just like, my wish in life. my ambition; to be able to keep in touch with my dear friends. drifting away and losing the bond between someone dear is one of my worst nightmares. i just don't want to imagine it. i've already had to go through it once...

i think God will keep us together somehow. or as the very least, keep us in touch. that's my prayer for the future, that we'll still be close... even with mail as slow as snails. :)

hey, i think she's getting it

2007-04-10T20:09:00.000-04:00

i can't help but see how everything has been laid out for me by God.

now it's just up to me to do my part of the job. can i make it?

please pray for me everyone (whoever reads this anyway ^^;). for those who do, THANK YOU SO MUCH! i'm sure it's reassuring to know that things are indeed going up for me. so thanks for the prayers and i'll remember to pray for you guys too. :D

God is too good. :)

the fun never stops

2007-04-07T20:18:00.000-04:00

i lurve jonchen's doggie.

:)

this week so far has been pretty good! all you people out there who are praying for me, thank you so much. without God, i can't imagine how life would be like.

friday night was really fun!! watched movies, ate good food, PLAYED WITH DOGGIE!!, and just chilled with everyone. ah, it was bliss... :D

though i didn't really like the movie cuz it was stupid...

but nonetheless, the time with everyone was great. ^^

... then we stayed up till 5 playing some 007 game (which was fun!)and tending peanut (doggie ^-^) when he started whining... heheheheheheheheheehhe i lurve peanut. lD

which makes me really want to grow up so i can get my husky. rawrr~~

so the journey continues. upward. :)

2007-04-06T01:38:00.000-04:00

FIRST 95% I GOT FOR ENGLISH!

thank you God.

YES!!!!

(it was a film analysis... A PIECE OF WRITING!)

i need to brag. i've been getting low 80's and mid-high 70's when i usually get 90's. -and- i've got the hardest english teacher. please, i WORKED for this mark. AND I DID IT!~ HIGHEST MARK IN THE CLASS!

okay. i'm done.

AND AND GUESS WHAT?!?!!

i thanked God the milisecond i saw the mark. not because it was a cry of relief but because i actually meant it. i think i'm improving with the whole "thank God for the little things in life" after reenie's bs.

this week was a good week. :D

//edit

i've taken off the comment varification e. :P
oh btw, for some reason, the pop up for your comment won't load.

how ironic. xD (don't worry, i'll get it to load! rawrr~~)

:P

reality hits very hard. and it hurts. very much.

2007-03-31T22:50:00.000-04:00

tonight was one of those really good fellowship nights where you just pour your heart out without being afraid of people judging you... it was great! i loved it. :)

i'm really glad that i got to talk to reenie and sharon so deeply tonight. it was so relieving to know that i'm not the only one with the school problems or the nights when i'm just confused as to whether or not i'm living my life correctly. it's a big motivation and it takes a -huge- amount of weight off my shoulders, although it does add some weight in the sense that you learn about other's troubles. but anyhow, i'm just really glad that tonight went the way it did. :D

update on my life i guess:

i haven't gotten any acceptances yet and right now, my marks aren't looking good. i told myself sometime last semester that i will do well and i -will- get into university no matter what. but here i am, typing away and worrying over the very evident fact that i may not get into any universities.

as of now, my avg is in the mid-high 60's. yeah, i know, it's horrible. i thought i could pull it up but i just couldn't at the point i was at. so to pull that up to a 75+, i need high 80+ in all the courses i am in right now. what am i getting? 70's. ugly, horrific, -terrifying- 70's. 70'S IN ENGLISH! HOW CAN THAT BE?!

my dad called today and asked me about acceptances. why? cuz MARTIN GOT INTO 4/6 UNIS THAT HE APPLIED TO. thank you martin. thank you v.v. much. "so, how many have you gotten into?" "um.... none..." "oh..." "well, it's different for different programs...." *dad catches my lame excuse* "right..." "yeah." and this goes on excruciatingly. ugh!

there is just so much pressure right now. my mom, my dad, my friends, myself. so. much. pressure. i can't take it! why does it feel like the end of the world just cuz i MAY NOT be getting into uni?! i don't understand. i really don't. why do i feel obligated to go to university and if i don't i'll live the rest of my life as some useless teenager who is a hopeless and obvious failure in school and life. (that was a horrible sentence btw, grammar and wordy-wise)

i'm just so frustrated right now. i have to read a book (400 something pages) and HAND WRITE 10 PAGES (back and front) OF NOTES BY MONDAY. so uh, i have approx. one day to do this. plus, i have to study for my math test which is tomorrow. it's on limits, rates of change, trig limits... the stuff i can't do in other words. and i failed my first test. at this rate, i'm failing this one and my midterm will be a fail. whoopee! jump for joy cuz si si's gonna live in the dumps in the alley where the cats pick at the garbage. >_>

I. AM. SOOOOOOOO. SCREWED.

-SOMEONE! SAVE ME! PLEASE!-

(this is where God comes in)

*cue God!*

T_________________T *sniff*

typical si si

2007-03-26T19:04:00.000-04:00

and tmr, this will pass.

and then i'll get angry again.

cuz the more i review it, the angrier and angrier i get.

hopefully, softball will occupy my brain more than this.

someone redefine friend, thank you

2007-03-26T18:30:00.000-04:00

i am angry.

i feel like leaving that as my post cuz i am restricted from stating why i'm angry.

but i'm just so bloody angry. i want to strangle someone. maybe even someone in particular.

i REALLY hate hypocrites. i hate it when someone says something but the way they act tell a completely different story.

i wish i could just say everything and tell the whole world why i'm angry. i wish i could just blurt it all out without giving any crap about whether or not you feel bad.

because you know what? YOU DIDN'T GIVE A CRAP EITHER. YOU SAY YOU DID BUT YOU DIDN'T, YOU FREAKING SILVER TONGUED MONSTER.

and yet... i can't hurt you. because i choose to be a better friend, person, being than you.

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING.

it feels like i have 2 people in me, one wanting to lash out at everything and one just wanting to be heard, to be understood... correctly.

i feel so used, so mistaken, so taken for granted.

it hurts the most that i was a consideration for your own personal, SELFISH, CONCEITED SATISFACTION. WHY?!

and the whole time, you knew. you were consciously aware of what was happening... but you let it happen.

thanks. really. thanks so freaking much.

hey look, it's an update gasps

2007-03-22T08:59:00.000-04:00

hrm, well, here i am. i'm at school and i'm forced to skip first period cuz the person i car pool with woke up so late. luckily, i have the walker man and today's a singing test so i'm fine. he doesn't pick you to get up and sing so i'm not gonna waste my time sitting there while other people go in to the little soundproof room and sing. and also, i've been late once. he made up this stupid rule where if you're late twice, you get 1% off your final mark. wtf is that. *rolls eyes*

for jackson idol, i never told you guys what happened (except mo and jonchen). after the march break, i decided that i didn't want to sing in front of like, 400 people cuz i didn't know them and they're judging me. so i told my friend who's in charge of everything that i didn't want to be a part of it. BUT! i could've made it. ^^ she said that i was considered as one of the 8th and was about to be picked but then i told her about not wanting to do it. phew~

after singing so much and preparing so much (for other songs), i can finally sing -because of you- by kelly clarkson. actually, compared to the songs i have been singing, it's quite easy. ^^

i never knew what the song was really about. i had an idea but i wasn't sure. i finally saw the music video for it and wow, i really like the song now. it's so sad.

i got sheet music for "laputa: castle in the sky". so happy~

okay, that's enough for an update. :D

edit//

hey, look, it's calvin and hobbes! (click on the pic to enlarge. use thy common sense.)

i'm alive?

2007-03-06T14:55:00.000-05:00

i had my jackson idol auditions today. i can't say it went too well, seeing how i'm coughing so much. luckily, i get to re-audition cuz the person in charge is a good friend of mine. is that fair?... does it matter? i have a feeling i won't make it...

perhaps i'm a pessimist. sigh...

i find it really annoying how people think that just because someone can sing soprano, it means that they're good. personally, i find people who sing alto parts more skillful than soprano cuz i myself can't read music. i envy that... but i do agree that soprano has its hard parts, such as singing high.

some guy in our choir named eugene sings really high. it's quite scary... (non falsetto)

i would totally give you guys another calvin and hobbes snowman comic but i'm not at home. (and mo... did i answer you when you asked what the last comic meant? calvin's dad is saying that at least there's little traffic on their street meaning the people who drive by are freaked out so they pass by quickly. i just put it up cuz i find it amusing how he can be so morbid with the snowmen. i totally lurve calvin and hobbes. let's make morbid snowmen at the retreat... 8D)

i fear no one will read this.

ah, well, it's good. life's good.

sort of. ^^

snow storm?

2007-02-13T23:50:00.000-05:00

i decided that i should update.

"You have to admit it's slowed down the traffic on our road."

(click for larger image. it should work...)

happy 17th moey! ^-^

aggravated

2007-02-06T13:39:00.000-05:00

ugh.

sorry mo, but this may apply to you...

we got our marks back today for our exams and report cards and i hated my marks. i was so frustrated at my stupid piano teacher and surprisingly, my wc teacher. piano teacher... well, i've always hated him. but my wc teacher? he's so.... biased. in the sense that if he doesn't like your style, he gives you a low mark.

i'm really really really irritated and annoyed at people who are complaining about their marks even when it's not even bad. i had this one girl who came up to me and told me that she's really upset cuz she got ONLY a -97- in music and not -99-. if she was like that, i should be bawling me arse off. so freaking annoying.

and then there was this other girl who got 86 for bio. dude, that's a decent mark okay? wth, half the class pratically failed (i ended up with a 72) and she's complaining about her 86. it's the THIRD HIGHEST MARK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. the highest was 89. why are these people complaining.

then i pass the hall and this gr. 11 girl was crying so much because she got a 94 for music. i really can't pity them. honestly, it makes me bloody angry. i look at my marks, marks i WORKED HARD FOR (except bio, but i don't need it) and i'm not satisfied (cuz they suck). what are they crying about???? AND IT'S NOT EVEN GR 12.

i'm so fed up. i'm just gonna bury myself in this game i started playing and sulk. i'm gonna explode if i think more about this.

i'm gonna have to work really hard for those 90's i'm gonna need to pull up my avg. and no, it's not cuz "it's low and i don't like it so therefore i'm pulling it up". it's cuz i really have to.

smart people can be really stupid sometimes, ironically.

calvin and hobbes

2007-02-01T18:54:00.000-05:00

(i needed something to make me smile.)

edit// sorry for the quality. if you can't make it out, it says:

repent sinners

the end is near

spring is coming

c: they're snowmen prophets of doom

m: you certainly take the pleasure out of waiting for daffodils

THIS IS A RANT ABOUT MY LOOOVIIINGGG MOTHER.

2007-02-01T12:23:00.000-05:00

(don't read this if you don't want to. i really don't care.)

i hate her so, FREAKING much. UUUUGHHH.

why does she even call herself a mom? honestly, it's like impossible to understand this annoying woman.

i'm so frustrated. i watch others and see how much they love their parents. why can't i? some people don't understand why either. some people can't see HOW FREAKING 2 FACED SHE IS. she treats us as if she's all high and mighty and tells me that i'm not worth it to be "on the stage". she thinks it's a damn performance but she doesn't understand it! SHE'S DOESN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT I'M NOT UP THERE BECAUSE IT'S A SHOW FOR THE AUDIENCE! I'M UP THERE BECAUSE GOD PUT ME THERE.

i can't understand why she seems like she's so close with God but whenever we start arguing, EVERYTIME she brings up these things and twists them so that it hurts me. WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER DOES THAT?! let alone a CHRISTIAN mother who supposed to know what the hell she's doing.

WHY CAN'T SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I HATE HER.

if she keeps doing all this garbage, i think one day that statement will actually be true. UGH.

the people in my head are odd, thus, i'm odd

2007-01-31T21:38:00.000-05:00

i was being weird today (i think due to my sleepyness) and i thought about a lot of stuff. i found something that really bothered me. is it weird for friends to rarely have arguements? when i say arguments, i mean strongly disagreeing with each other... to the point where someone might even walk away angry or whatnot. i don't know why but it just doesnt feel quite right... i mean, can 2 people be so alike that they never have such arguements? or is one of them just constantly letting the other step on them? or maybe you just don't know each other well enough to state your pov, defend it, be angry when the other disagrees and argues, and then mend the gap. i mean, wouldn't that be a stronger friendship (in general) then those who never fight?

i guess there -are- cases out there where close friends have never faught before.

or maybe i just need someone to tell me i'm wrong. then i could disagree with them, have an arguement and be satisfied with our friendship.

i think my brain's a little off today.

the truth is...

i'm angry.

and annoyed at some friends in my life where it seems like i'm always stepped on. i don't state my pov because i'm scared that what their opinions may be will contrast with my own. i'm scared to hurt a friend or be angry with that friend. i want to be able to state my feelings, my opinions, my thoughts without being scared that they'll dislike me for it... because that's what i call a friend. i'd hate to discover that certain people i call -friends- aren't really friends.

i'm not saying that i have to argue with them. i'm just sad because i prefer to get stepped on over getting into an argument. i care about others over myself way too much. i feel so dang pathetic.

i think i can be a pushover too. (surprised?) i know i'm blunt but there will always be that part of me that cares more about my friends than myself. the part of me that balances my blunt part. without it, i think i'd be a horrible, horrible person.

but now, i feel like as if that caring side of me is becoming overdominant...

sigh, this is a problem with myself. i'm gonna have to do something about this. =\ i'm grateful that i do have friends whom i can count on and not be afraid that they won't accept me.

it's been 1.5 hours since the time i said i would go eat. what am i doing. -_-;

survey

2007-01-31T00:06:00.000-05:00

i was forced to do this. since i'm not against surveys and i'm mighty bored from studying, i'll do it. this one is not a survey of my prefrence but my friend put up my name. you'll get it later on.

1) Single, taken or crushing?
ehm, i guess crushing? though i'm not supposed to be. XD i hope peggy doesn't read this.. *looks around suspiciously*
2) Are you happy with your life now?
at this very moment, i'm disturbed by people who annoy me with their stupid thoughts.
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
i don't think i've truly fallen in love with someone. so um, when i meet the right person, i'll answer this question. heh.
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
yup. and it's not necessarily because of a relationship or a guy... though that's where this question is aiming. ^^;
5) Do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
is this even a valid question? do i even need to answer this? oh my. OF COURSE -NO-!
6) Would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
hahahaha, i can't help but laugh at this. the answer is 'no' along with a smack in the face.
7) Have you talk about marriage with another before?
as in the person you're crushing on?? i guess so. o_O i've definitely talked to others about it...
8) Do you want children?
eventually, yeah.
9) How many?
3's the limit.
10) Would you consider adoption?
perhaps, depending on what my future will be like.
11) If someone likes you right now,what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?
i wouldn't ask for too much, depending on the kind of person he is. i think a letter would be best... or if they're up for it, tell me face to face. i just hate it when serious things get awkward, even when you didn't think it was. (cuz then the other person says it's awkward or acts awkwardly and you're forced to feel awkward... even when it's not. it really sucks.)
12) Do you enjoy getting into relationship?
i honestly don't know.
13) Be honest,what is the furthest you and your ex did?
kiss.
14) Do you believe in love at first sight?
no. it's just a lame excuse for shallow people.
15) Are you romantic?
HELL YEAH. well, if you're referring to something like knowing when to set up the dinner with the candles, then maybe not. i'm really corny is what i'm trying to say i guess. ^^
16) Do you believe you can change someone?
i don't know. i believe God can use me to change someone but not necessarily myself and i. 8)
17) If you could get married somewhere, where would it be?
in a park. but then i think it's best to do it in the church? iunno. i really like the idea of getting married outside, especially during the spring with the green grass and blue skies... sigh. such bliss.
18) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
sadly, no. i'm -very- stubborn... ^^;;
19) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
uh, yes? i've already mentioned that i'm 'crushing'.
20) Have you ever wished that you could have had someone but you messed it up?
i don't think anyone messed it up. it's not my fault that person didn't like me and it's not his fault that i'm not someone he would like in that way. though i have wished that i could have someone.
21) Have you ever broken a heart?
i was about to say i don't know until i remembered someone. i'm horrible. it's a yes.
22) If one day your best friend falls in love with the guy you're deeply in love with, what would you do?
i would back off and let her have him. being friends with someone means sacrificing certain things; being BEST friends with someone reinforces that 10 times over. what i would hate is if my best friend thought the same thing.
23) Are you missing someone now?
hmm. that's a tough question. at times, i do but certain things remind me of how much i dislike that person. i guess overall, i am missing someone. sometimes, more than i'll ever admit.

Now you have to ask 5 of your friends to do this survey in their blogs.write down their names in the list below. Tag them in their blog to let them know.
1. Maureen
2. Elena
3. Jon Chen (hahaha, change it to a guys pov)
4. Jay (you too ^^)
5. (who else reads my blog? oh my, i don't even have 5 fans T__T) JOAN!!! (except she doesn't read my blog and i don't know if she has a blog. oh the pity T__T) or whoever wants to do it. let me know so i can read. 8D

lol, do it if you want to. i am not as evil as my friend. *glares at julie*

studying time

2007-01-28T19:36:00.000-05:00

this is great, my turn for exams soon. it kinna disgusts me that i'm not doing anything productive these days.

but today was pretty great!!!

peggy, james and i went over to irene's house for a surprise "party". haha, yes, we were celebrating her turning 18... again. and she has another one next week. so we've basically been celebrating her 18th birthday this whole month. hahah... so funny. for mine, pegs says we're going for sushi buffet!! yayaya~~

except my bio teacher talked about parasites. ugh... chew your food throughly!!! and nothing of this sort should happen. parasites are found in people when your stomach acid doesnt burn through the chunk of food the parasite is in. then it passes through the sphincter and into your intestines. there, the parasite can live because there's no acid (usually, you poo it out cuz it goes through your intestines. but they can lodge themselves into places where they're safe). he told us a story about his friend's pet parasite who lived inside her for 2 years. um, it was pretty gross. O_O;

anyhow. if you come for shushi, careful! ^^

which reminds me, whitney doesn't like shushi. o.o; owell.

we also bought her a calvin and hobbes comic book which she likes. hehe, i love reenie. she's so cool~

so, next big one is whitney. maybe she'll force us all to watch dexter for her birthday. whee, let's watch some psycho serial killer who draws happy faces in people's blood! O_O;; i heard it's really good though but i don't wanna get addicted for my own sake. heroes is my show for now (i missed one! tmr. i promise.) ^^

and that was the highlight of the day. the rest is still unwritten~~ (haha, natasha bedingfield, -unwritten-)

mind boggled

2007-01-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

oi, i'm so tired. the details of last night shall remain unknown.

cuz i'm too lazy to type.

i'll give you a quick summary:

- dad's gf's daughter tried to commit suicide (ate pills)
- called my dad for like an hour before he finally picked up
- picked me up and went to the girl's place
- brought her to emergency room
- got her stomach pumped
- stayed most of the night
- got back this morning

and here i am. i need to sleep. good morning.

oh yeah, she's not dead.

la la

2007-01-25T18:53:00.000-05:00

okay, i finally put a song player on. i found a bunch but they all required some stupid web server that i have no access to (according to G anyway). so there. this one is so boring and ugly. bleeh.

anyhow. expect a template change near the end of next week cuz this one's too busy.

i think that's all. hehe.

edit// nvm, i found another one but it doesn't loop. the good thing about it is that it doesn't lag and you can go back and forth without lag. yay~

simple analogy

2007-01-21T17:09:00.000-05:00

i was walking home with my brother on saturday after his swimming lessons. it was so awesome cuz it was just us two, strolling along the sidewalk. my sister and mom had to stay at the place cuz she
had karate lessons. my mom didn't want david to bother hannah during her lessons.

it was so fun. we played with the snow on the sidewalk, breaking the little chunks that were scatter everywhere (well, i kicked them out from the sides so he breaks them.)

when we walked, i was constantly telling him to hold onto my hand. you know how they shovel the snow onto the sides of the sidewalk and it piles up, making it all bumpy? if you don't get it, look outside at the sidewalk and on the left and right side, there should be bumpy, rough hills of ice/snow. my brother wanted walk on that and i had to hold on to him, making sure he won't fall. his hand kept slipping out of my hand (i was wearing mittens) cuz he wasn't holding onto me. i was constantly telling him, to the point where i stopped walking and made it clear to him why he had to hold on to me. he finally understood, after almost falling, that he had to hold on to me too to be safe.

the whole time, i couldn't help but realize how much that was like us and God. God is always holding our hand in whatever we do. when it comes to problems and rough times we have to deal with, He holds on even tighter, making sure that you won't fall. but there's the slight problem as i had encountered when walking with my brother. i won't be able to keep him safe from slipping away if he doesn't hold on to me too. when he holds on to me, his hand latches onto mine and the hold is stronger. that reminded me of how we need to hold on to God too so that we can refrain from slipping away. if my brother did slip away, he was the one who would get hurt, not me. i hold onto him because i care and love him and i don't want him to get hurt. God even tries to show us why we need to hold on to him through the many people around us, or through the Bible. but even then, we tend to forget or ignore it and go on in life, burying ourselves inside our narrow minds. then, when something happens, we realize that we have to hold on to the One who holds on to us. it's all for our own benefits so that when we do trip, we won't slip away and fall.

it's amazing how much one can get from a simple walk home with her little brother. ^^

sick

2007-01-17T20:04:00.000-05:00

i didn't go to school today cuz i'm really sick. i couldn't even talk this morning... -_-; i went to the docters already and got medicine. i hope i get better soon >_<

i have an in class exam this friday on music history. it's actually quite fun but i don't really want to write an essay. bleh, i'm so tired.

ooo, look. it's calvin and hobbes:
i don't know why it's so fuzzy. i wanted to upload another one but it turned out messed. -_-;

hopefully, that's not too small. =D

edit// you can click on it too. ^^;

i've been thinking.

2007-01-15T15:54:00.000-05:00

i walked home in the snow today. yes, snow. not ice. -snow-! it was snowing the nice fluffy snow... except the ground was ice with a thin layer of snow on top. =\

i was thinking about all my friends today when i was walking home. i left early cuz our teacher left early. when i walked home, besides my music and the cars whooshing by, it was blissfully quiet. i loved walking home today.

but yes, going on.

i was going through each of them and thinking about how my relationship was with them. i wondered back to when we first became friends. i even thought about those who were not my friends anymore, why, and what they've turned into now. some of them didn't like me because i was blunt, some of them didn't like me because i never lied for them. some of them didn't like me because i made them feel guilty when i tell them it's not right to do something. but to balance those people in my life, i've found friends who like me for my truth. they don't always like how i'm so blunt but they don't hate me for it. and i realize that i don't need to care about those who aren't my friends anymore cuz i have better people to think of.

then i thought of other friends who seem to always be on my good side and i on theirs. it's really nice when i'm being myself and no matter what, these people just don't get into arguments with me. but then, there are those where i'm not fully myself when i'm around them. we don't argue because i try everything i can to refrain from having an argument. these people are still very dear to me but i feel like i'm lying to them. i try so hard to be their friends but in the end, i don't really understand why. why can't i open up to certain people like i do with others? why is it that at the end of the day, i regret hiding my feelings or thoughts? these questions seem to always come up when i think about these people.

maybe it's part of the fact that i'm an introvert. i tend to bottle my feelings and hide them from certain people because it's scary. i'm scared of their reaction to what i say, what i do, how i feel. i know that they're not worth being friends with if they don't accept me... but i still feel bad. like i did with all the other times i've lost friends. i don't want to make this, -because i'm an introvert-, a valid excuse for myself though.

i guess that's another challenge for myself this year. i want to really open up to those who are close to me (not the extremely close ones, like felly people cuz you know me quite well anyway) , instead of always holding back a portion of myself. this insecurity i have really hinders me from fully trusting in God and letting Him deal with my fears.

so that's what i thought about when i was walking home today. it was such a long walk because i purposely walked slowly. i was so warm so the cold didn't bother me. hehe, today was such a good day!! i'm so happy. ^^

and now, it's hw time.

normal day

2007-01-10T18:01:00.000-05:00

today was so cold.

but it was dreadfully normal.

sigh.

i have my grad photo tomorrow and i'm pretty freaked out. my friends are telling me the things they make you do and yeah, they're pretty awkward. O_O;

anyway.

i didn't have math today.

next semester, i took calc again. except i heard i have a really bad teacher...

then i have philosphy too.

sigh...

it's time for torture.

2007-01-07T18:48:00.000-05:00

think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts...

hi, i'm Fun's friend, si si. i've known Fun for all my life and it's shame that this has happened.

2 weeks ago, i met up with Fun and a bunch of close friends for fellowship. i was so excited and my heart leaped at every thought of meeting Fun again. i was not disappointed when the time came. together, we hung out with Fun and played many games, which included video games, card games, and, the classic, board games.

starting on tuesday, the week went by in a blur. i slept over at a friend's house and guess what? she knew Fun too! then on the Friday, i left my friend at home and decided to bring Fun along to pmall where i met up with a couple of felly friends. it was totally awesome and Fun was all over the place! then i brought Fun back to my friend's house and had dinner. i stayed over for 4 days and 4 nights, feeling terrible that i had to depart with Fun.

on the sunday, i met Fun again with my family. i never knew they knew Fun! together, we took a trip to downtown toronto and ended up in a vietnamese restaurant eating pho. i haven't had pho for the longest time so i was extremely delighted that i was able to share this meal with my friend, Fun.

on tuesday this week, i met up with mo and jonchen to watch -the holiday-. not surprisingly, Fun showed up too. Fun ALWAYS shows up when mo's around (oh, maybe you too, jon. XD j/k =P). we went shopping and had good laughs, especially when mo and i and Fun decided to go into lingerie stores such as lasenza, leaving jonchen lingering Funless. too bad jonchen isn't a girl but i'm sure Fun liked him anyway.

then on friday, i went to a sleepover at the chen's residence. i was ready to meet Fun there, especially with the video games galore. and indeed, Fun was there. then the next day, Victor came over and we all watched some naruto and played some naruto. we ate dinner and left for our Funfilled BIBLE STUDY! great job, moey! see, Fun always shows up when mo's around. ;P

today, before this sickening news about Fun, i was out watching The Pursuit of Happyness. it was such a sad movie and it has perhaps motivated me a bit. Fun was there also, if you haven't guessed already. whitney and her mom knew Fun too. (btw, the movie is good. watch it ^^)

then, on this dreadful evening, Fun was brutally murdered by a suspect named Skewl. it is believed that Skewl has ruined many lives and put worry in many hearts right here in TO. people stay up late because of Skewl and they all fear this notorious predator.

*sniff* i hope to meet someone like Fun again soon. the joy and happYness that Fun had brought will always be kept in my heart. Fun has passed away but the memories with Fun will always stay. (rhymes!)

thank you.

*walks off stage crying*

boring day so far.

2007-01-04T13:30:00.000-05:00

well, i haven't had much of day yet. i've only had half an hour of it. ^^;;

so.

i have to compose a song today...

i think it'd be easier if i had a piano near by so i can play and then put it on noteworthy. sigh..

owell.

SO!

that's my day so far. =P

note: changed bgsound to "dearest" by ayumi hamasaki. tell me if you can hear it!! >_<;;

edit// ooo even better!~ with words!!! you have to wait for it though ^^

new year

2007-01-01T21:55:00.001-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

since i usually don't accomplish my new year's resolutions, i decided to give myself some slack and just make one.

my one new year's resolution:

get into at least one uni

haha..........

yeah.

i think that's all.

i'm so bored at home. i'm going to watch the holiday tomorrow and go (window)shopping with maureen. at least i'll have something
to do then. on wednesday, i'm going dt with my mom again and on thursday, i have nothing until at night. THEN FRIDAY IS THE SLEEPOVER!!! *dances* yay, how fun. ^^ i shall practice my naruto skills and catch up on naruto eps. wahhahah~~

ooo, i've gotten rid of the gangster guy. at first, i was afraid to stop talking cuz he kept asking if i was there... so i asked boris what to do and he says that it doesnt matter. he'll know that i don't want to talk to him and he's not gonna do anything about it. he may seem scary but he's still a gentleman. *phew* -__-;

yay, the week is going good so far~ i have to find a day to do hw though... maybe thursday is good. yuck, hw. >_<

-------------------------------------------------------------
I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such relief from the winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold
If you know what I mean
Everyone's got an agenda, don't stop
Keep that chin up, you'll be all right
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

fun fun~

2006-12-29T20:10:00.000-05:00

mmm, i went to pmall today. hehe, it was fun!~ we walked around and watched people play in the arcade. ^^ i haven't played ddr in the longest time and i don't even know if i can play paranoia anymore. i didn't try of course ^^ too many people watching -__-; heh.

my friend stayed at home ALL BY HERSELF. she was bored. XD

i got DOG SHOOES... haha. they're so cute and fuzzy and soft. i'm not gonna wear them (maybe, if the occasion is really really really special XD) cuz i don't want to get them all dirty and smelly and whatnot. i'll just put them on my shelf and admire them. i have to keep them away from the munchkins too so they won't take it and wipe the floor with it. T__T

anyhow. FELLY TOMORROW!! VIDEO GAMES!!! lD

where are we going? jonw's house?? this is kinna last minute. i guess i should go around and ask since mo is kinna... non-existent atm. -__-;

WHERE ARE YOU MO?! ARGGG!! 8O

okay gtg watch bourne identity. ^^ *skips off*

--------------------------------------------------------------

I never felt alone
I was happy on my own
And who would ever know there was something missing
I guess I didn't see the possibility
It was waiting all the time
But it never crossed my mind
Till you opened up my eyes
Now all I think about is

You in my life
In my dreams
In my heart I know it's true
That I belong with you
Because of you in my world
In my arms
I have everything and now
I can't imagine what I'd do
Without you

I never thought that love could be
Such a curiosity
What attracted you to me
Was so unexpected
But it was waiting all the time
And it never crossed my mind
Until you opened up my eyes
Now all I think about is

You in my life
In my dreams
In my heart I know it's true
That I belong with you
Because of you in my world
In my arms
I have everything and now
I can't imagine what I'd do
Without you

pon and zi are cute

2006-12-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

^Pon and zi and so cutee.. heh. i'm sure you guys have seen/heard about them but not their names. ^^

i stole this off my friend. it's so innocent and cute. it's like their little kids, yet, they're in love. so adorable. X)

----------------------------------------------------------

so. here i am, still at my friend's house. i'm sleeping over yet again and we're going ddring tomorrow!! yes, i'm very excited cuz i haven't been playing for so long. there's a ddr machine in cineplex (which is where i went today to see -ERAGON-. YES MAUREEN ERAGON. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR DISAPPEARING ON ME WITH NO NOTICE. >_>)(....)(LET'S GO SEE THE HOLIDAY TOGETHER! ^o^NEXT WEEK TUES/WED GOT IT?? BE PREPARED MOEY~) and ya, we're gonna play there. my problem is that i don't have the right shoes. maybe i could kick them off. muahah...

i hope we don't attract a crowd. omg -__-

wow, i've never watched so many movies in 2/3 days:

my sassy girl

you got served

the man in the iron mask

mr. and mrs. smith

eragon (book was better. if you're gonna watch it... i suggest you watch it first then read the book so the movie won't suck so much ^^)

bourne identity

bourne supremecy

O_O;

and for fun, we played spit (card game). and i kept winning. -_-; i think db really helps you own spit... hehe... ^^;

anyway. i'm excited for tmr. yet i'm so bored at the same time. i should finish those xjapan vids. i really want to finish it.

okay. movie time.

edit:

no meeting up on sat. all because of my friend ... -__- she's so nice to me. i'm so happy right now, i could kick her really hard.

but violence is not the way to relief your happiness.

UGH!!!!!!!

at least i'm going ddring? it's not the same. i wish i didn't agree to sleep over again.

have fun you guys ^^

it's over...

2006-12-26T14:27:00.000-05:00

i can't believe Christmas is gone already. honestly, it didn't really feel like Christmas this year. the whole warm and cozy atmosphere wasn't really there. maybe the snow would've helped... owell.

i should make new year's resolutions cuz i haven't made them for so long. then again, i don't really motivate myself to accomplish them and i don't have much to say anyway. maybe i'll have something this year. i shall post them when i can think of some... and when it's the new year. heh...

yay~ i heard it's gonna snow tomorrow evening. i hope it snows a lot (and i hope the weatherman's right). i really want snow. i don't think i've actually wanted to see snow so badly... canadian winter isn't really winter without it's snow.

though it turns brown too soon. sigh..

i need to get myself some stuffed animals so i can outnumber jonchen. he has more stuffed animals than me. how can that be?! no one outnumbers me in stuffed animals. grrr >_>

if only my dad understood the crucialness of stuffed animals. then perhaps he'd get me a cow shooeee ... T__T

so cuute. lD *sigh*

well anyway. time to listen to sappy music again~

-------------------------------------------------------------
There's something about the way you look tonight
There's something about the way that I can't take my eyes off you
There's something about the way your lips invite
Maybe it's the way that I get nervous when you're around
And I want you to be mine
And if you need a reason why

It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight
It's in the way that you hold me
And in the way that you know me
When I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh you feel it in the way

It's something about how you stay on my mind
It's something about the way that
I whisper your name when I'm asleep
Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes
It's the way that makes me feel to see you smile
And the reasons they may change
But what I'm feeling stays the same

I can't put my fingers on
Just what it is that makes me
Love you, you baby
So don't ask me to describe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinking about the way

It's something about the way you look tonight
There is nothing more to say than I feel it in the way

^note: the melody of the song is more appealing than the lyrics. i don't really understand the one line: "you feel it in the way". yeah. ^^

look, an update. wheeee. . .

2006-12-21T21:30:00.000-05:00

hi everyone! my name is see sea and i will ....

not be sharing photos cuz the damn thing won't work. GRR.

i went to my sister's talent show today!! omg, they were so cute. there was this little boy in grade two named Harry and he played some song about racing horses. OMG, HE WAS SO CUTE! his song was like at least 3 minutes and pretty complicated (around lvl 5 i think)... and he's only in grade two! i think he's got talent. X) he's such a sweetie. hehe...

but then my sister says that all the kids on her school bus make fun of him because they think he has rabies. SO MEAN. so i asked my sister whether or not she thought that way and she said no, i really like him cuz he's so talented. i told her that she shouldn't be scared to be friends with someone just because no one else seems to like him (unless he really has rabies, which is not true). she said okay and she's gonna tell him that he played really well that even her sister (me XD) thought so. heheh... kids. so cute.

my friend got 10+ candy grams (candy that you buy for your friend for fun) today:

a: okay, so debby, this one's yours
*debby goes up and takes candy* *is on her way back to her seat*
a: oh wait! there's more, debby again.
*debby goes and takes it*
a: omg, and another one for debby again.
d: wtfrig, seriously?! O_O;
a: and yet, ANOTHER one for debby.
d: wth...
*alex looks at the rest*
a: dude, just take the whole bag.
d: REALLY?! wth...
a: no i'm kidding, let me see. okay, debby again. and again. holy sh-- (mr. tanaka: hey watch the language) sorry sir, and again. again. debby again. okay just take the damn bag.
*debby walks to her seat, face crimson*

hahahah. how embarrassing. the whole class got candy canes cuz of her. someone's got a very desperate admirer or a very hilarious friend (i concluded it's the same person who sent all of them cuz of the writing). XD

dinner and baptism tmr~! CHRISTMAS ON MONDAY!

WHERE'S THE SNOW?! GOD, GIVE US SNOW PLEAAASEE~~~ XO

----------------------------------------------------

A poor orphan girl named Maria
Was walking to market one day
She stopped for to rest by the roadside
Where a bird with a broken wing lay

A few moments passed till she saw it
For its feathers were covered with sand
And soon cleaned and wrapped it was traveling
In the warmth of Maria’s small hand

She happily gave her last peso
On a cage made of rushes and twine
She fed it loose corn from the market
And watched it grow stronger with time

Now the gift-giving service was coming
And the church shone with tinsel and light
And all of the townfolk brought presents
To lay by the manger that night

There where diamonds, incense and perfumes
And packages fit for a king
But for one ragged bird in a small cage
Maria had nothing to bring

She waited till just before midnight
So no one would see her go in
And crying she knelt by the manger
For her gift was unworthy of him

Then a voice spoke to her through the darkness
“Maria, what brings you to me?
If the bird in the cage is your offering
Open the door, let me see”

So she trembled, she did as he asked her
And out of the cage the bird flew
Soaring up into the rafters
On a wing that had healed good as new

Just then the midnight bells rang out
And the little bird started to sing
A song that no words could recapture
For its beauty was fit for a king

Now Maria felt blessed just to listen
To that cascade of notes sweet and long
As her offering was lifted to heaven
By the very first nightingale’s song

monotonous post

2006-12-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

i guess i should write another post to shadow the awkwardness of my previous post.

i don't know what to write about.

what could i write about?

is there anything interesting in life i could write about?

i just realized i never shared my short story with anyone.

hmm, don't feel like sharing it atm.

or the people i want to share it with wouldn't really want to read it.

i guess i'll read it.

i'm bored though.

i want more songs.

what day is today?

aw, it's only a tuesday. the droning never ends. whee......

sunday's the Christmas party guys.

why am i so ... not excited. (not to say it's not exciting. i'm just not in the mood to be excited.)

i'm so tired.

i found out there's psych at 'loo. that was the highlight of my day.

except, which psych leads to occupational therapy? does it matter? should i ask people?

who do i ask...

i really hate this.

*yawn*

i think i'll take a nap.

thanks for reading and commenting. i appreciate you putting up with me.

i have no decent title

2006-12-11T14:59:00.000-05:00

sigh.

there are some really annoying people in my life that i wouldn't mind getting rid of. they're so insensitive and just so... self centered.

but that's mean of me to say something like that. i'm sure you all have someone you would rather not know.

i'm so stressed out. with work, with family... just with people in general. people make me very tired and i'm very, very tired. i'm so ... bored. everything is so tedious.

mmm, this is fun, just typing away and not stopping to think second thoughts.

you know, boris, if you ever read this, i hope you and jaimie never get married because you don't deserve her. she tries to be there for you and tries hard. even though she's lied to you many many times, it was just because she did it out of the fear of you blowing up on her and walking away. i'm not saying that it's right for her to lie cuz she knows damn well that i believe what she did was wrong. but she's only human, and like you say, we're not perfect. why can't you understand something so... simple? oh, that's right, you're too logical for that, right? i mean, everything has to have a right or wrong answer and nothing can vary in between? and i think because of that, you're not gonna have her. if you think so techinically, you're never gonna understand that being in a relationship with someone isn't just a "responsibility and an act of intimacy". if you don't even try to understand her... try to hear her out, why do you even call her your girlfriend? i mean, her dad can say the things you say to her.

i'm very angry right now. and i'm very... upset. the above paragraph is what i've been dealing with for these two days. i call it a crisis because it's the biggest problem i've dealt with (that has to do with relationships). i just can't stand technical people. i also can't stand people who won't give someone a chance just because they had a bad experience with someone else. it's not fair. why should one person get the shaft when it wasn't them who caused a problem. why should they be compared to a past relationship. people are different, every one. so why is it that someone always gets hurt unfairly?

i'm going home.
school sucks.

life. atm.

2006-12-07T22:43:00.000-05:00

wow, i haven't updated in so long... ^^;;

well, the heads up is that i'm actually enjoying math right now because we're learning about logs. there are so many rules but it's so fun!!! it's somewhat like trig identities (with all the proofs and everything) except better because i can actually get an answer. <_<;;;

our school had music night concerts on wednesday and thursday. it was such a drag cuz i had to guard doors on wednesday. what a bloody waste of time. and omg, our symphonic band is the worst cuz THE CLARINETS AND SAXES NEVER PRACTICE. ugh. how humiliating.

life is so boring these days. i'm so glad for tomorrow PA day. at first, i had a few plans but then i decided not to do them cuz i have no motivation. i'll be going boot shopping tomorrow with my mom... that is... if she doesn't excuse herself out of it first. sigh...

gah, i'm so bored.

mmm, music. so sweet~

-----------------------------------------------

Once in every life
love should leave you without a choice
Where the only thing right
is to follow that still small voice
Once in every day
it should take your breath away
Once upon a time
should happen once in every life

Once you give it your heart
without holding back your soul
You can dance in the dark
cause you're never there alone
Once in every hour
you should feel that healing power
Once upon a time
should happen once in every life

Once it's stronger than you
There's nothing else you can do
You stop asking why, just let yourself fly

Once in every life
love should feel so good you cry
And your only release
is releasing three small words
Once you hear them out loud
you feel heaven coming down
Once upon a time
should happen once in every life

Once upon a time
should happen once in every life

survey thingy again.

2006-11-30T23:33:00.000-05:00

how perfect is your life?
[X] You know someone that cares about you.
[ ] You`ve a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/husband/wife.
[X] You have your own room.
[X] You own a cell phone. <-- does it count if it doesnt work?
[ ] You get good grades. <-- hahahahhahahahahahaha.
[X] You have an ipod/ mp3 player.
[ ] Your parents are still married.
[ ] You have more than 2 best friends.
[ ] There is a swimming pool in your backyard.
[X] You live in a house. <-- counting townhouses, i presume.
T O T A L: 4

[X] You dress how you want to.
[X] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[X] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[ ] You have never been beaten up.
[ ] You never cry more than twice a month. <-- d00d, that'd be a blessing.
[ ] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[X] Your room is big enough for you.
[X] People don't use you for something you have.
[X] You have been to a concert.
[X] You laugh more than twice a day.
T O T A L: 7

[ ] You have over 100 friends on friendster.
[X] You have pictures on friendster. <-- how does that make your life any more perfect? o_O
[ ] You get allowance.
[ ] You collect something normal. <-- i collect my dust on top of my book shelf. is that normal?
[X] People don't make fun of you to be mean. <-- but then, how would i know for sure?
[ ] You look foward to go to school. <-- hahahahahahahahahahaha.
[ ] You don't wish you were someone else.
[X] You play a sport.
[X] You do something after school. <-- i dont know anyone who doesnt do anything after school. =P
[X] You shower daily. <-- rofflemow. who doesnt...
T O T A L: 5

[ ] You own a car.
[ ] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[X] You're healthy. <-- to a certain extent, yes.
[ ] You've never had a cavity.
[ ] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You aren't self-consious at all.
[ ] You have never got a failing grade in your life.
[X] You have friends.
[X] You have so many inside jokes with friends.
[X] You know your parents care and love you. <-- it'd be nice to know that my dad loves me.
T O T A L: 4

[X] You know what is going on in the world. <-- omg. that's so flipping vague.
[X] You care about soo many people <-- too many who don't seem to give a crap.
[ ] You are happy with your life. <-- not at the moment, no.
[X] You usually aren't sick. <-- isn't that like, you're healthy?
[X] You know more than one language.
[X] You have a screen name. <-- and that makes your life more perfect.
[X] You own a pet.
[X] You know the words to more than 5 songs. <-- for choir, ya.
[X] You don't have many enemies.
[X] You are happy you're living. <-- i guess i am.
T O T A L: 9

GRAND TOTAL : 29
Now count up the number and multiply by 2. "My Life is 58% Perfect"

just like my math mark. shweet.

blarg.

2006-11-30T20:35:00.000-05:00

i can't drop calculus.

i can't pass calculus.

i can't stand calculus.

what the heck can i do?

i can't unfriend some people.

i can't ignore some people.

i can't stand some people.

what the heck can i do?

today was such a horrible day. i don't know why but i just can't seem to settle down. my mind is just so overwhelmed by everything.. school, family, friends...

i was avoiding a lot of my problems today. when i was faced with something, a problem, i just wanted to run away and hide somewhere. and hiding, i actually did. i missed half a day of school, i missed my bio isp presentation, i missed my wc test, i missed my math test-- again. i hid from my mom when she came home and quickly left when she went somewhere.

what am i doing? why am i running away from my life... from God? i'm so reluctant... why...

i can't face Him. i can't bring myself to face my shame. i try so hard but i get no where. i try so hard with school, with family, with friends... especially with school and friends.. and i still get no where.

God, what am i supposed to do now? i am just so, so... lost... i don't know what to do anymore...

.... i dont know what to do anymore... -__-

-__-

2006-11-30T00:27:00.000-05:00

what the bloody hell is wrong with me.

FRIG.

i am currently undergoing a moodswing. i am not done my isp prez. i will wing it. but that's not why i'm moodswinging.

not that i'd tell you why.

i can see myself from an "aerial perspecive". i don't like what i'm doing but i do it anyway. why? cuz i care, dammit. i can't help but tell myself that i'm stupid. like seriously missing-a-chunk-of-her-brain stupid. don't you just hate that? when you know you're doing something you could -not- do but you do it anyway? just for the sake of something important? which probably isn't even important in anyone else's eyes.

i wish i could rip my hair out and it would grow back in a second. i really need to vent.

i shall mute my aggravated screams with my pillow.

goodnight.

i'm back =)

2006-11-28T23:07:00.000-05:00

yay! i have internet once again.

erg, studying for my math test is so tedious *yawns*. i don't know how well i understand this stuff. right now, nothing is processing much and i'm really really really hungry. and tired... yes, tired. very tired.... mmm.

club menage should say the names of the songs and its artists. honestly, i'm so frustrated right now trying to find songs based on the lyrics. i found like.. 5 /15. i can't believe they don't have the lyrics! ugh.

i have a headache and my tv is not working.
my mom's mad.
she thinks the cable guy did something to it.
but if it's the cable that's having problems, the tv would still be on with a blue screen...
right?

she can be so hypocritical sometimes.
*yawns*
hopefully, the tv will miraculously fix itself before next monday's prison break. can't miss it. >_<

so lonely!! x_x

2006-11-22T10:56:00.000-05:00

gah.

my internet has died for... *counts* 5 days!!! T___T i feel bad for calling mo all the time cuz i think her dad finds me kinna irritating now. x_x

mmm, i don't know what to write about.

i'm so bored!!!

what has happened these day? nothing much, really. hmm...

i have 2 tests and an isp presentation next week.
and i have to write 15 poems.

i think i can do the poems part.
math test. eh...
bio test. genetics!!! i lurve genetics.
and bio isp pres.

hmm, i guess it's not so bad. except for the math part. i have to get 90's on this test.

i have to get 90's on this test.

i... have to get 90's... on this test.....

omg. that's so depressing.

T__T

i promise

2006-11-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

mmm, the rain is so nice today.

i have a math quiz tomorrow and i really hope i can do well. i can do most of the questions in the booklet we have but there are some really confusing ones that i can't even imagine. (cuz they're application questions with diagrams. it's can be sooo weird..)

i can't help from glancing out the window once in a while. it's so nice out there that i wanna run out and get poured on. if only it wasnt so cold or the human body was immune to pneumonia. >_<;

the rain gives me a really clean feeling, especially at night. it's so comforting to hear the sounds of rain. i think i'll sleep very well tonight. i couldn't sleep yesterday so i prayed that i could get some rest tonight. i really need it... this has been one heck of a week. God is soo good.

i have another song i'd like to share. this time, it's much more specific. i'd like to make this promise because it means so much to me right now:

I Promise (jaci velasquez)

Lord you know my heart
and all my desires
and the secret things
i'll never tell
Lord you know them well

though i may be young
i see and understand
that at times like sheep
we go astray
and things get out of hand

so i promise to
be true to You
to live my life
in purity
as unto You
waiting for the day
when i hear You say
here is the one
I have created
just for you

until then oh Lord
i will be content
knowing that true love
will come someday
it will only come from You

cuz i have seen
the suffering
that lonliness can cause
when we choose to give
our love away
without a righteous cause

sigh.

2006-11-14T20:46:00.000-05:00

i don't know why i try so hard.

i hate how i always find ways to get hurt. i find out things i don't like knowing, even though i had an idea before. i'm just so impulsive.

in the end, i always end up in tears.

sigh.

if only there was another way to do things. give me another way, God. i don't want this anymore.

You are the One
there's no one else
who lifts me up
and gives me water from the well
but there's a hole
that seems to drain it all away
and once again i'm left in fear and doubt
when all my strength is crying out

so here i am again
willing to be opened up and broken like a
flower in the rain
tell me what have i to do
to die and then be raised
to reach beyond the pain
like a flower in the rain

the evil wind
it blows a storm
to rock my world
just when i think i'm safe and warm
i'm led astray
far too easily
it's always hard for me to say i'm wrong
until i know i can't go on

Lord, You have searched me and know
when i sleep and when i rise
You're familiar with all my ways
even the darkness will shine
like the day
when You look into my heart

edit//

um. sorry, this post is weird. you can ignore the beginning and focus on the song (jaci velasquez, flower in the rain). i really like this songs cuz it really speaks to me and what i'm going through these days. i've been really stubborn with things and well, it reminds me that i'm not in charge of my life. He's always watching, taking care of me when i'm just all alone. only He knows all that i'm going through and all that i feel. it's also only Him who can help me out of these holes i've fallen into. i need to remember that throughout the day, throughout the problems, and throughout the joys, He's there, going through all of it with me.

and to tell you the truth, it's so hard sometimes. but i think i'll manage. =)

what the heck...

2006-11-13T17:09:00.000-05:00

ooo, look. i don't think my blog is working. i can't go on it... T__T

this is just a test post to see if i could see it later.

so ya.

=D

i'm blarghed.

2006-11-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

i feel that i am in need of a new post.

but.. i don't know what to write about.

good night.

ways of procrastination

2006-11-07T17:40:00.000-05:00

Think fast survey - answer with the first thing that pops into your head

1. My ex is still - sadly deranged in the head. i wish he was more mature.
2. I am listening to - beauty and the beast songs (for choir ^-^)
3. Maybe I should - stop procrastinating and do my work.
4. I love my - friends.
5. My best friend(s) - loves me? hahah..... thinking fast is not my thing.
6. I don't understand the meaning of - some words in the dictionary. (lol)
7. I lost respect for - a friend (lost it for her long ago, no offence, if she reads this)
8. My favorite journey song is - i don't know. what's a journey song? o_O...um *random* -at the beginning- <midi> <lyrics>(donna lewis and richard marx-anastasia sound track.) (correction on the lyrics, it's not "a new love in the dark" it's "like me alone in the dark". and also, it's a duet, not only donna lewis is singing. =D)
9. The meaning of my screenname is - (symbols don't work) [ si si sing ---> i would sing to you] um, well it's my name. the stuff that i usually write after the "sing ->" are phrases that stick out in a song i'm listening to. ^^ this one's from -never let you go- (you won't find the lyrics unless you know parts of the song) by janice wei. 8D
10. Love is - not at first sight.
11. Someone somewhere - is waiting to meet me. (<-- hahaha, okay that sounds weird. i meant it as like future wife thing....... ^-^;;;;;;;)
12. I will always - have faults.
13. Forever seems like - a bird. i don't know why... it just popped into my head... o.o i think i have problems.
14. I never ever want to - go on fear factor. O_O
15. My mobile phone is - not working. (dang rogers.)
16. I woke up this morning - and hoped my wc teacher would accept my 10 paged short story. (hehe did and he likes it *dances*)
17. I get annoyed at - people who don't realize what they're doing especially when it's hurting someone very much.
18. Parties are - fun if it's with the right people. ^^ sleepover parties~
19. My pet - is sleeping soundly downstairs (hamster ^^)
20. Kisses are the best - when you least expect it.
21. Today I - walked home in the rain. (i wish it was the snow instead though... T__T)
22. I really want - to have the ability to erase ppl's thoughts. so i can tell them something, see their reaction... and then erase their thoughts. ^^

wheee, that was fun. muahah, what a challenge for my brain! it certainly didn't feel fast. now i have procrastinated for 20 more minutes. hehe... this is bad.

daydreams about winter break

2006-11-03T21:31:00.000-05:00

i think the whole idea of my calc teacher not rocking is cuz i hate math.

T__T

i think i failed my test today. i totally forgot to use chain rule... cuz i remember the teacher saying that she wasn't putting chain rule in the test. i think she means that she's not going to make us prove chain rule.

and i skipped the proving question (WHICH WAS IN MY BLOODY NOTES!!! OMG, I'M SO ANGRY! *rips hair*) worth 8 marks. prove that y=sinx is equal to cosx. <-- if that was alive, i'd murder it. *screams*

then there was the question that had to do with quotient rule. i memorized that statement thing (do the top, keep the bottom MINUS keep the top, do the bottom OVER bottom squared) but i messed it up during the test:

*in my head*
"okay so.. do the top *does the top*, keep the bottom *keeps the bottom* MINUS keep the top *keeps the top*, do the bottom *does the bottom* ALL OVER.... oh shoot. all over what??? omg omg omg this is not happening!!! *starts panicking* OVER WHAT?! OVER WHAAAT?!?!? T__T g'(x)?! f'(x)?! is it even a prime?! (<-- since "OVER do the bottom" didn't sound right)" (i'm not sure if everyone knows what i'm talking about. hahah...)

so instead of making it g^2(x) for the bottom, i put g'.

snipe me. i deserve to die for such a stupid mistake. WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HEAD?! T__T

it's not fun at all and i don't get it.

we also have double-angle identities and compound angles along with the old trig identities. now, we're learning about implicit differentiation and i'm just gawking at what my teacher's saying to me. it's like she's speaking in tongues... with numbers..

my winter break is the week with Christmas in it. it's for 2 weeks so the week after that is also winter holidays. when is everyone else's break?

LET'S GO SKIING PEOPLE~~ *is dreaming*

take me to a snowy mountain and give me ski equipment.

2006-11-01T21:48:00.000-05:00

omg, math.

i don't get it. >_>

what the heck is chain rule?!
okay, wait.
i think i kinna get that.

why the heck do we use chain rule?!

and now we're doing trig derivatives?!

someone, take me to an island. i need a vacation.
no no.
take me to a mountain with snow. i need to ski.

*rips out hair*
GAAAAAHHHH.
*begins slapping herself*
WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!! NIGHTMARE ALERT!!
*pinches self*
MUST NOT DIE IN DREAM!!

i need an idea for a short story. arggg....... my corny stories!!!
but but, i like happy endings...
but but, they're all so sappy!! omg.
but but, i don't wanna kill anyone...

sappy or death? you guys vote. ^^
no inbetweens. =D
"why...?"
CUZ I SAID SO! THAT'S WHY!! RAWR. >_>

unless you have a really (x10) good idea.
if you don't vote, the latter of what you're supposed to be voting for will happen to you.

i know where you live. [insert eerie music]
(wahh, i seriously do. skillz.)

living, coughing, exhausting nightmare

2006-10-29T20:16:00.000-05:00

i'm not going to school tomorrow. it's kind of a bad idea cuz i missed 2 days of school already. my mom says i shouldn't go cuz i really need to see a doctor. sigh, i just don't wanna miss calculus cuz i can't risk it. -__-

i missed service today cuz i only got 3/4 hours of sleep last night. i slept at 12 ish and i was fine until the wind woke me up at 2ish. man, it was so windy out today!! our 4 feet plant got blown over by the wind and i had to go and fix it. erg, it was horrible.

well anyway, i woke up at 2 ish and i couldn't fall back asleep. i was coughing for half an hour or so and i was just so exhausted. it was ... not painful.. but.. hmm.. in chinese, i was ho sun foo. sigh, it was such a nightmare.

i managed to doze off from exhaution for 5 minutes. this happened a couple of times until it was 5 something. i sat up, lay back down, sat up again, walked around the room, went to lay down again and tried to fall asleep. nothing worked. i was just so uncomfortable and everytime i found a comfortable position, i would cough myself out of comfort.

then i remembered this medicine my mom would tell me to put on everytime i had a cold. it's called boe sum on yow and it's a chinese medicine (dark liquid, extremely strong minty smell, glass bottle). i decided to put a bit on but when i couldn't feel the tingle of the minty fluid, i put more. (you put it on your throat, chest, and under your nostrils). after, i think i put too much cuz i felt like i was drowning in mint.

this worked and i was able to sleep for 2 more hours until 8. it was soo so so so so so so cold and i was shivering so much. my goodness, i need to stop kicking off my blankie.

i was still tired and it wasn't long till i found my comfort place. my chair was at my bedside and for some odd reason, i decided to scootch over and rest my head on the chair handle. i fell asleep almost instantly. thankfully, the chair never rolled away or i would've fallen off my bed. (my head was on the chair handle and my body was on the bed. o_O)

and that, ladies and gents, is why i couldn't make it to church. i was so tired and exhausted and i overslept in the morning. the end. =D

white Christmas

2006-10-26T23:00:00.001-04:00

i took this from a letter i was writing to someone. i thought it'd be interesting to share ^^

"I hope we have a white Christmas again. Thinking about it makes me giddy all over. It never too early to be excited for that time of year because it's just so heartwarming. Listening to the radio for Christmas songs, sleeping in during the holidays, watching the snowfall in the morning... such bliss. And you get to shop for presents for people! I think that's the best part, though it's hard to imagine what others want. Nonetheless, it's still exciting.

I still remember my first white Christmas. I was still young back then, around seven or eight years old. It was the second winter in Canada and I had accepted Christ as my Saviour. My parents had seperated already at this time and I was just so overjoyed about my newfound Heavenly Father.

I heard a lot about white Christmas's and how they're very beautiful because the first snowfall is on Christmas day (actually, it means that there's snowfall on Christmas day, not necessarily the first snowfall. I didn't know that so I prayed for what I thought was a white Christmas: first snowfall on Christmas day). I was so fascinated with snow so I prayed for God to give me a white Christmas. Even though I was only a small child then, I still had the knowledge that it probably wouldn't happen. Still, I had faith that God could make it happen.

So I prayed everyday and hoped that the snow wouldn't fall that day. When the first two months of winter passed by without snow, I was thrilled. Of course, right up until the night of Christmas Eve. I began to worry a bit because I thought that it wouldn't snow at all. There was only a few hours left until Christmas morning and I became very anxious. A Christmas without snow is worse than a brown Christmas.

Before I went to bed, I prayed a heartful prayer and just begged God to have it snow during the night. I was relunctant to go to bed and decided to wait until I saw the first flurries of snow with my own eyes. But then my mom, being the nagging mother she always was (and probably always will be) made me go to sleep.

I recall the gentle shake and the urging words my mom had said to me: "Wai, hay sun la. Nay tai ha, cheut been lok shoot ah!! (Hey, wake up. Look, it's snowing outside!!)" And my, did it snow. The snow was so deep it went almost up to my knee. I was so happy because God has listened to my prayer!! Not only did I get a white Christmas, I had plenty of snow to build my first family of snowpeople.

Because of this event that creeps back into my head so vividly every winter, I am reminded of how much God loves me. There is just no way I could doubt him because if I did, I'd be cheating myself. I was only eight years old and a white Christmas was not what I needed. God, being the compassionate Father He is, showed me that He does have the ability to provide for me what I want, even if I don't need it."

hehe, i picture telling this story to my kids when i'm older. we'd be sitting around the fireplace and just sharing our hearts on a snowy Christmas eve. =)

i'm doomed.

2006-10-17T17:06:00.000-04:00

in gr. 11 math, i did the worst in the trig section. namely trig identities.

now in gr. 12 math, i'm doing badly in limits (actually i'm doing badly in everything in math). and now, we're learning trig limits.

this.... is bad.

I DON'T GET IT! I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT! GAAHH!!! I DO ALL MY HW!! BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!

*runs around in circles flailing arms and ripping out hair*

T__T

someone, please... help me. T__T

i'm such a failure. i have a limits quiz tomorrow and i have no clue what i'm gonna do. i think i can do one question... and then i'll be done. i'll sit there for the rest of the quiz time just sulking at why i'm such a failure.

i think i really fit the "boys are good at math, girls are good at english" stereotype. oh woe is me.

*cries*

i'm so discouraged. i won't be getting into any uni at this rate.

having to look forward to chem next year isn't helping either.

*EMERGENCY! I REPEAT, EMERGENCY! SI SI'S GONNA FAIL M4TH! IS IN NEED OF EMERGENCY 7U7O2IN9. PLZ HELP IN A\Y W4Y P05S!B_3! THIS WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!*

*faints*

boo

2006-10-14T14:46:00.001-04:00

i failed my calc test.

heh, i thought that's what i'd post about cuz i have nothing else to say.

oh ya, my friends think i'm stupid, too. so now, i'm constantly ignored when i ask for help.

life's great.

i'm walking in the rain

2006-10-04T23:43:00.000-04:00

i liked today. such blissful gloomy weather~ 8D

no, i'm not negative. i just like gloomy weather cuz it helps me think.

hmm, nothing much has happened these past days. i feel like writing something deep but i don't have the mindset for it.

i had an arguement the other day with jai's bf, boris. it was a simple thing but i guess i didn't control my temper that well. i feel kinna bad now but then again, he was the one who wronged me. oh, the misunderstandings of life.

which reminds me, i don't think anyone has seen me very angry before. ahaha, i think you'd die from my look (which is very rare ^^. i mean the extreme anger look). i already look angry all the time (do i seriously?! T__T)... if it was for real, i would have a lot of lives on my hands. muahahah. ph34r my l00k of d34th >8D

or a majority of times, when i get really angery, i go all silent. i dont talk to anyone so i don't blow up. it's kinna bad in the sense that you're harbouring everything inside and you either blow up or go into depression. thankfully, i've been able to refrain from both.. so far. actually no i lied, i blow up at my mom all the time. eheheh... ^^;;

why is my msn so evil? why?! it refuses to work at the times when i need it most T__T

i don't understand limits anymore. actually, i don't know if i do. hmm. no, i don't. -__-;
whaha, i shall ... not bring my math this friday cuz it's thanksgiving dinner...?
we'll have time! someone must help me! i must get a good mark in calc!

die math die! e_e

sorry, long long long entry...

2006-10-01T01:44:00.000-04:00

(sorry if you don't understand this. the letter is just something i've been prompting myself to give to this person. i'm very bothered by me not handling this situation very well. i wrote this letter thing about 3 months ago but i still have it. i can't get myself to give it to this person no matter how many times i've tried. it's something very important to me and that's why i've been posting about things associating with this letter. feel free not to comment if you dont have anything to say... hehe. oh and feel free not to read cuz it's loonng. with the exception of mo that is. =P)

God is so good to me.

i was sitting at home today, debating on what i'm gonna do about tomorrow. the letter either goes or stays. this time, i had the courage in me and that giving this letter to this person is what i really wanted. i was so sick of myself always going back to the same thing that i just wanted some sort of closure. i don't want to see the confusion on people's faces when i tell them what my problem was. i didn't want them to think badly of me just because i couldn't make up my mind. i'm so tired of that, so tired of all the stuff i put myself through just to get to the next day without blowing up.

i had a talk with my mom last night about this but it ended up being a semi-argument. she said that she thinks i should just wait it out because in the end, the best is gonna be right in your face, waiting for you to take it. i couldn't bring myself to believe that i should wait longer. i didn't want to wait any longer cuz it felt like i was gonna snap soon.

during my time of just sitting down with my thoughts all laid out in front of me, i thought about what my mom had said. i figured that perhaps she may be right. i thought that because her relationship with God is so close and intimate, perhaps her wisdom was from God. at this point, i didn't know what to think anymore. i was so sure i would give this letter to him but looking and pondering over all these thoughts made me hesitate.

i didn't know what to do again. was i to trust my conscience which was not very clear? or do i take my mom's words of wisdom and wait it out? i couldn't decide cuz i was just so unsure. of course, giving him the letter out of nowhere made me feel very impulsive, ironically. it feels like i didn't think about this all that much... i just decided.

so in urgency, i prayed and asked God what i should do. i pleaded with Him to give me a clear sign but i had doubt in my heart that i would receive one. i was scared that it would once again be an unclear decision and nothing good will come out of it. but i decided to trust Him anyway.
tonight at Bible study, we talked about courage and how through God, you should learn to overcome your fears. we had a time of discussion where we talked about what each other's worries were. oddly, peggy came running over and sat beside us. lol, she's so funny. but anyway, she asked me what my worries were right then. i knew right away what my problem was. after some prying, peggy, with the help of mo, got most of the story out of me. she told me that i was too young for this and her opinion was that i should wait.

throughout the rest of the bible study, i wondered if that was the sign God was giving me.
at the end, when everyone was just chatting and getting rides, peggy came to me and asked me if i needed a ride. i usually go home with jonchen but the look in peggy's eyes made it clear that she had more to say about my worries. on the way home, she made me tell her most of the stuff that's happened with this person. however, no matter what, she was set on the fact that i was too young. at first, i was very reluctant to take in everything she was saying because i disagreed. however, the more she talked about it, the more it made sense.

her main point is that it seems unnecessary to give him the letter right now. even if things are to happen, i am soon going off to university anyway. what happens there may change how i feel. also, i don't know how the future will go. we may go to the same uni, we may not. but the fact that God's planning this whole thing out should reassure me. even if we end up on the opposite sides of the world, if we are meant to be together, there will be a way no matter what. it's just that simple and all i need to do is trust.

and she says that initiating should be a guy's job, anyway. hehe.. ^^

then she prayed for me in the car and that was the end of my ride.

honestly, that was the most productive ride home ever. it provided a lot of answers and definite a clear sign. i was so thankful that i was almost jumping with joy when i was walking back home. not that i didn't want to give the letter, i just needed to know what the right thing was to do. and i have the answer for that now.

and besides, i think the person whom i'm giving this letter to already knows who he is. i know i'm being very ambiguous at the moment but that's just silly me. ^-^ heheh..

mistakes

2006-09-28T16:10:00.000-04:00

sometimes, i just wish i was better. i don't wanna explain. i just wish i was better. better than what i am now.

i feel so bad for thinking that but i can't really help it. it's not really a sense of self pity or anything. it's more of self disgust. i'm so sick of disappointing people all the time. the things is, i know i could do better. i know that within me i have the potential to do better than how i do now. but what grosses me out the most is that i acknowledge a problem but i just don't get my act together. it's not a matter of incapability but rather it's just me being an idiot and not doing what i know i could do.

i really hate myself sometimes. i also question myself but i can't answer those questions because i know my answer will just slap me in the face and call me stupid. if i could, i would have opened my head, taken my head out and replaced it with a new brain that isn't so messed up. if only it's possible.

and sometimes, i really resent my parents. i resent the way that things happened and the fact that they didn't bring me up properly. i resent that i can't be the happy kid that i long to be just because they had problems.

then in the end, i realize that i've made another mistake by resenting so many things. it seems to happen quite often, the realization that i'm doing things wrong once again. so why don't i just fix it?

why don't i just fix it?

why don't i just give you the damn letter.

song

2006-09-25T17:57:00.001-04:00

it's so complicated...

sigh... -__-

uni fair and lunch tmr

2006-09-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

okay guys. we've decided to go to uni fair on saturday and possibly sunday. mmm, we havent decided a time yet. we'll probably get there no later than... 12? or that is that too early? feedback, please.

does anyone want to go both days? i really don't mind so if you want to, then grab me and drag me along.

okay, nvm. we kinna have to go both days...

friday - booths are open from 9-7.
- sessions are from 10-5:45
saturday - booths are 10-5
- sessions are 11-3:45
and sunday is the same as saturday.

mo has to leave early cuz of piano (still trying to make sense of this but my head hurts right now) i was wondering if anyone wanted to go on friday just for the booths. (cuz we'll miss the sessions by the time we get there. we'll probably make one session? the 5pm one.) if not, it's fine, it'll just be the two of us.

which still leaves saturday's time a question. tell me what time you can make it/want. oh, and whether or not you wanna come along with me and mo on sunday. ^^

mm i think that's all. =D tell me asap!

oh wait. no. not done. does anyone know how to get there? ^^;;... the map they gave us is too confusing to read. so many lines and dots and words and.. gah... my eyes hurt.

and one last thing! who can come to lunch tmr??? and where do you wanna go?? or should we decide this tmr?? ... hehehe... 8D (tmr being sunday)

high F's and low calc marks

2006-09-20T22:48:00.000-04:00

ooo it's wednesday. i have no batteries for club menage. T__T

blargh, i got 3/10 on my calc quiz today. we had to solve and find the x-ints of a cubic function. we had to guess the factors cuz nothing but the equation was given. i had the right factor but in order to be sure it's a factor, we had to use something called the factor theorem where if you sub w/e number into the equation, it's a factor if your answer is 0. i was rushing cuz we had 10 minutes and i made a mistake while solving the equation. so then i thought my factor was wrong but it was right. i should've done a double take but nooo i'm a rushing fool. and 3/10 was my punishment for my stupidity.

i got the same at the smart person in our class though. so i'm not that down about it. wahaha... >D

ooo, on friday, i went to fairview and i saw the turtle that i really liked from one's (the one where G was like "you want it?" and i thought he was gonna buy it for me. >_>) at orange story. ahaha, they're selling it for $40! what a rip off. my friend says it's cuz orange story is like the only cutesy store at fairview so they raise the prices. smart... but not really. =D rawr... i will get the turtle one day. mark my words, costly stores!

i get a calvin and hobbes comic book for my bday from mom! i'm so excited! 8D
oh yar, my teacher told me to drop out of keyboard and switch into vocal cuz i can sing. he kept saying that he wasn't trying to tell me what to do but that he thinks i would get a much better mark if i took vocal. my problem is that vocal is next semester and if i were to go for any bonus marks, it wouldnt count until the final report which uni's won't look at unless you request for them to. -__- but i'm gonna check out if i need exercise science at york and western. if i dont then i can drop that next sem and take vocal. it's gonna make my next sem sooo easy: vocal, eng and chem, with the exception of chem.

our choir's singing beauty and the beast medley this year. i'm looking forward to it cuz it's my favourite disney movie. ^^ eeee, but we have a really high note, the high F. the thing is, it wouldn't be hard if the note wasn't held for -6 BLOODY BEATS-. T___T i cracked today. hahaha. so funny. it was sooo cold and i was shivering (i'm shivering now. geeez it's so coolldd!!! >_<). it's so hard to sing all out when you're so cold cuz your throat tenses up so badly. gaah, i hope the school turns up the heat soon. it's not getting any warmer, is it? -___-;;

*choir time*
"couuurse byyy courrsee, onne by onee, 'till you shout "enough! i'm done!" then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digeeesst!!!! tonight you'll prop your feet up but for now let's eat up, be our guest! be our guest!! be out gueest!!! please, beeEE OURR GUEEEEEEEEEE*ACK* ow, crapp my throat... >_<;"

i had a bad day

2006-09-14T18:35:00.001-04:00

(feel free not to read. it's long and it's just a rant about walking man. i just needed to release the tears and the anger.)

sigh, today was not a good day.

it all started with keyboard/piano class. and the walking man. sigh.

starting friday, i've been practicing my butt off for this music test. at first, i couldn't play this song very well cuz the pedalling technique was giving me a -very- hard time. it wasn't like your normal pedal at every bar kinna thing. i actually had to look on the sheet for places i had to pedal. the hard thing was, there were a lot of sharps distributed in awkward areas and random off beat eighth notes. add in the weird pedaling at every 1-5 chord (as opposed to 1-3-5 chord) and then lifting it up at the awkward eighth notes so you can bring it down again on the off beat of the next consecutive beat. confusing eh? i don't even know if i typed that right.

he only gave us one week to learn a song and lets us do parts of the song (16+ bars). well for my song, it was two pages so i thought that one page is a good partial. i practiced so much for it (3 hours on weekdays, 1.5 hours on the weekends), followed all the dynamics, made sure my notes were clear, made sure it flowed well and didn't sound choppy and made sure that i didn't get a "hiccup" when i pedalled every note. i have bruises on my thumbs and pinkies and it hurts to type.

even my mom was like, wow, i've never seen you practice so much before and it sounds really good too. i was excited for the test cuz i knew i was really ready for it. well, the time came and i did my test. seriously, i think he hates me. "why is it so short?" i was just like... what? why is it so short?! buddy! that's half of the freaking song! (and no it's not one of those itty bitty songs where it's like.. 3 notes per page. it's gr 4/5 level with actual notes on the page.)

i didn't say anything and he's like.. okay, i'll let you get away with it. i'm like ya, shut up (in my head). then he tells me to play it again but faster. the day before, i played the song for him and he didn't say anything. i had a few mistakes when i was playing for him (not test day) cuz i was nervous so he's like, it's fine, just no mistakes on test day. and now he's telling me to play faster?? i was already very angry and nervous as hell. i thought i could do it but then my hand slipped cuz they were so sweaty. at the end he was just like mhmm.

FRICK.

he gave me an 80. a freaking ugly eight zero. I PRACTICED MY FREAKING ASS OFF FOR 18 HOURS ON THIS SONG, GOT MY FINGERS ALL BRUISED UP, AND I LOSE -20%- CUZ HE THOUGHT IT WAS SHORT (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HALF THE SONG AND THE SAME LENGTH AS THE PARTS EVERYONE ELSE PLAYED) AND CUZ I MADE A MISTAKE PLAYING IT FASTER AFTER HE TOLD ME THAT MY TEMPO WAS FINE THE DAY BEFORE!

that's not fair. i deserve more than an eighty. i got the lowest mark in the class. when i left, i was half crying, trying to hold my tears in cuz it wasn't fair. why should i try so hard at something and still get such a mark. i know, you think 80's not bad. but the thing is, i've never gotten less than 95 for all my music years. -never-. all my music years at AY, i've gotten 99 (even in piano class with a different teacher) except for last year with walker. he gave me 72. i didn't think much about the 72 cuz i stopped trying after like, 5 tests so i deserved that. so comparing these marks with my old marks, it just makes me feel really bad. like i'm not trying hard enough when really, i did try. 18 hours for half a song is enough, shouldn't be?

the sad thing is... i really love piano and playing it and i don't think i'm bad at it. but walker... he just makes me cringe whenever i see a piano. is a teacher supposed to do that? make the only thing you love and try so hard to do well on look so detestable.

what am i gonna do about the next test. oh man. music is gonna leave me with blood shot eyes. someone, help me.

10th post! ^^;

2006-09-08T20:23:00.000-04:00

this semester i have calc, bio, writer's craft and music. it's not so bad actually. i love all my teachers except my piano teacher. sigh, i have the stupid walking man again. i hope he treats me better this time or my mom's gonna get really pissed off. how's it possible to get below 90 in music?? geez. i'm so disgraced.

next semester i have chem, exercise science, english, and spare. i'm so glad i have spare next sem. yes! i totally need it for chem. omg, i'm gonna die! i can picture it already. me... falling over on the first day of the semester... and dying. how is it possible to enjoy chem?? someone, tell me how it's done before i imploded from self-bashing. bleeeh..... i hate itt!!! why?!?! T___T

on the brighter side, i could spend my spares in the library watching bleach. 8D hehehehehe......

BAD SI SI! *hits self*

okay okay. i won't. i know it's the last year, i'd be ashamed anyway. chiilll.

oo.. i'm talking to myself again.

let's share a fact today: i like talking to myself. i seriously dont care if it bothers ppl a lot. what's wrong with talking to myself, huh? it makes me feel smarter anyway, that i can be 2 people at the same time. it brings out my creativity! heh.... 8D

actually, it doesnt really. only when someone forces me to talk to myself cuz they find me amusing. then they laugh at me. it's quite depressing.

"si si, do you -always- talk to yourself??"
yes. ._.;

today is friday. i cannot believe it. a week has gone by already and it felt like yesterday when i went to get my $40 package (that's right, 40 bucks! muahah. i laugh at j00 who pay more than my t33ny 40 bI_Ick5. >D

oh ya, i've been entertaining myself with megatokyo, too. l33t manga. =D

anyway...

TGIF TGIF TGIF TG!F 7G!F TGIF 79!F TGIF.........

BEEP

2006-09-06T19:51:00.000-04:00

hi.

you've reached seese.blogspot.com. i'm dying over calc and straining to think creatively. if you would be so kind to leave your name, your url, and a long msg, i'll leave a comment for you as soon as i can.

thanks.

(help... me.... x_X...)

totoro...X]

2006-08-30T01:28:00.000-04:00

monday.... nothing much. went to worship practice. it was... blah. no comment.

mmm. today was a good day. went to the movies with vic and jay. hey, -accepted- isnt actually as bad as i thought it would be. at first the movie looked pretty dumb. the commercial showed how these bunch of kids got accepted into this fake college thing. at first, i didnt understand how they got in cuz that doesnt make any sense. but then the movie explained so i guess it wasnt so bad. i found the funniest (though a bad joke) thing to be the name of the school. it was called South Harmon Institute of Technology. check out the acronym of that. *nods* uhuh.

ooo and vic bought me a totoro from hk. hehe, it's so cute! i love totoro. the movie had no plot whatsoever but i loved it cuz it was so dreamy. haha. i would love to fly around with this ginormous fluffy, furry, rabbit-like thingamabob called totoro. fluffy~~~ *sighs in delight* D

anyway. mo, i know. ONE MORE DAY X] i'm actually decently excited. as in i'm not head over heels kinna thing. haha, that'd be such a joke. i'd murder myself. but nonetheless, i'm excited. =D finally, someone to say good morning to. =)

except i can only do that on thursday. cuz wed morning is not valid yet. probably wed night. which i wont be there. crap. T___T

meh, suck it up. =)

a post for mo.

2006-08-28T13:38:00.000-04:00

edit (if oddly, anyone ever decides to read this entry again)//

sorry mo, but i've decided to delete this entry for the sake of feelings. from the things you've said to me, i can't help but feel bad for writing the list.

i guess i did it out of anger... and the fact that nothing much came out of the situation. at least... that's how i felt. i feel so impulsive right now. so stupid.

and also, to the person whom i was talking about in the list, if you know who you are... i'm sorry for saying so many things that may or may not have hurt your feelings. i know i can be blunt at times, especially when i'm angry or just upset.

then again, i don't even know if you read it. i certainly hope not.

sometimes, i wonder if you know. i wish there was some courage in me to give you that letter i wrote but i'm just a coward.

and if you do know, i wish you'd tell me so i don't just sit here and whine like a dumb idiot, unsure of every decision i should make.

i dont know. whatever.

funny day

2006-08-23T16:14:00.000-04:00

hmm. weeell.

this week seemed to be on the boring track when it started on monday. it's only wednesday and things have been quite exciting actually.

nothing much happened on monday so i'll go on to tuesday.

i had another shopping spree yesterday. i wasnt expecting it cuz i rarely go on shopping sprees with my mom. we went to pmall cuz my mom wanted to get some pens and pencils for my sister. this is like, the second she's been there. the whole time we were there, she was telling me how she's never been to a chinese mall so big. i was just chuckling to myself. it was such a great day cuz i got all the stuff i needed for the banquet and my mom got the stuff she was looking for. then we went buffeting at starwalk. =)

and i got another bag. haha, how exciting.

going on to wednesday. hmm, today's the weird day. i was checking all my emails and deleting old stuff when i came a cross an email sent to me on monday. it was from this -yousendit- site and it says that there's a song waiting for me to download. i thought it might have something to do with worship cuz jonsy sent something like this before. so i downloaded the song without even thinking of who sent it to me. i listened to it and i'm like what? o_O this doesnt sound like a church song. craig david didnt ring a bell atm cuz i dont listen to him much. i've heard of him but i wasnt quite sure whether it was a Christian singer or not.

it makes me laugh now that i know who this singer is. hahaha. i'm so stupid.

but yes, the song "unbelievable" was sent to me and man, this is probably one of the sappiest songs i've ever heard. and i really like it. but a problem? i had no idea who sent this song to me. i tried looking to see who sent me it but the " from _____________" was empty. i talked to jonsy about it and i found out they allow anonymous emails.

i was trying hard to find out who sent this when a though popped into my head: jaimie. she must've sent me this song cuz i remember telling her to send me a song i liked. and it turns out, it w-as- jaimie who didnt have an account and therefore, her name didnt show. haha.

it was fun thinking i had a secret admirer for a couple of hours ^-^

vbc recap

2006-08-17T00:33:00.000-04:00

oohh man. my compy is so messed up.
anyway.
i shall do a recap on vbc so far.

monday:
it was quite boring. my kids were so dead and all they wanted was to go home. also, we missed out on the water park "trip" and that kinna disappointed them even more. =/ calvin's so cute. X]

tuesday:
we were at the amethyst site and (ew) i had to get my feet washed. dang, i should've arrived later so then Andrea would get her feet washed instead. meeh, the kids only made fun of me a little. and besides, i get a big jewel ^-^. actually, it's not really a jewel. you know those nice shiny stones at the bottom of a fishtank (sometimes... if the owner puts them there)? ya. well. it's that. ^^;

omg, i had -the- quote of the day from one of my kids, carol:

"si si.."
"what?"
"you never smile."
"okay. eat your lunch."

HA. and then she and ingrid had this competition in trying to make me laugh. it wasnt funny so i just went to sit beside calvin who was just too cute. X]

then i watched kester wrestle my assistant, lok kei. ahah, lok kei and his bro, lok man, are like 2 hulks walking around. no wait, i lied. only lok man's a hulk. lok kei is normal looking if you don't lift up his sleeves.

wednesday:
the ROM!! okay, so it wasn't as boring as i thought it would be and my kids behaved quite well. i kinna gave up on kester so i made jason run after him. he's doing really well as an LIT. i'm proud *tear*.

we started out in the bird exhibit where everyone participated in the "treasure hunt". oh geez, tim came up to me and asked me the dumbest questions and i felt like slapping him cuz all the kids were listening to his sillyness. honestly, someone, tame tim.

bat cave. haha, what a joke.

then we were off to the mummies exhibit. oh hahah. there was this model of these egyptians building a tomb for this dude and one of my kids were looking reallly closely at the miniature people. she noticed that everyone had their butts showing and she started laughing really hard with her friend cuz she found it so amusing. i was just laughing at them cuz they were laughing so hard.

and then calvin found a fully naked one.

then on the bus ride home, i sat with ingrid and she's quite a kid. very smart and very bilingual (as in, she good in both languages. like, -very- good). but kids are still kids. you give a guy and a girl as their leaders and this is what you get:

"look, my fingers are kissing each other."
"oh really. that's nice."
"guess who this finger is?"
"... er... you mom?"
"haha, nooo. it's you!!"
"riiiighht... hehe. let's play something else now.."
"guess who the other one is??"
"eh... heh.. who?"
"lok kei! ahahah, you guys are k-i-s-s-i-n-g!!"
"okay there. O_O i spy with my little eye..."

ahh, the joys of being with children and very mature group assistants (not being sarcastic). it's great to have a helping hand rather than a hindering one. coff* tim.

anyway. wow, long post today. enjoy~

first post for my now -not private- blog

2006-08-11T00:46:00.000-04:00

typing in this font size irritates me plenty. the size you saw on the previous post was the -normal size-. buddy, it's freaking tiny!

so now i type in the large size. my brain shall get used to it. -__-

i really like blogspot i realized. it's so... organized. okay, i admit that spaces are quite organized too but it's so busy and it takes sooo long to load everything. thinking about it churns my guts. blech.

i'm looking forward to the rest of august cuz it's mighty fun packed. list of stuff that's going to be taking place:
->sleepover at dad's place + shopping spree tomorrow
->auntie lorraine's dinner on saturday
->vbc next week (we're going to the ROM. i'm actually excited cuz we got the avian section. ie, birds. i love birds! 8D *dances*)
->softball banquet coming up
->jon chen's sleepover (ahhhh! it's gonna be so fun and full of video games!! *jumps for joy*)
-> CAMPING TRIP!!!!!

i'm so looking forward to the camping trip because i have the whole night sky to stare at with absolutely no hindrance of light pollution! ahh, such bliss. it's everything i hoped for... except for the part with the special someone. i have special someone-S-. all my friends!!!

oh the corniness.

i'm so tired. must... sleep... zzz...

layout problems

2006-05-02T20:06:00.000-04:00

it's taking me forever to get the layout the way i want it.

edit//
i have decided to publicize this blog. cuz no one comments on it when it's private... except mo. lol ^^;;

...though all the old posts were deleted ...

meh, it's fine.

>>new template for me ^^

2006-04-29T16:49:00.000-04:00

My goodness, I've finally found a template I can use.

Off to fellowship it is with me. I'm so excited for softball and I can't wait to bat! Oh, the joys in summertime. ^^

my first post.

2006-04-28T14:23:00.000-04:00

wow, this is so weird!

maureen, tell me if you want to join~~ you can leave comments too. hahah *laughs*