Thursday, September 14, 2006
i had a bad day
(feel free not to read. it's long and it's just a rant about walking man. i just needed to release the tears and the anger.)
sigh, today was not a good day.
it all started with keyboard/piano class. and the walking man. sigh.
starting friday, i've been practicing my butt off for this music test. at first, i couldn't play this song very well cuz the pedalling technique was giving me a -very- hard time. it wasn't like your normal pedal at every bar kinna thing. i actually had to look on the sheet for places i had to pedal. the hard thing was, there were a lot of sharps distributed in awkward areas and random off beat eighth notes. add in the weird pedaling at every 1-5 chord (as opposed to 1-3-5 chord) and then lifting it up at the awkward eighth notes so you can bring it down again on the off beat of the next consecutive beat. confusing eh? i don't even know if i typed that right.
he only gave us one week to learn a song and lets us do parts of the song (16+ bars). well for my song, it was two pages so i thought that one page is a good partial. i practiced so much for it (3 hours on weekdays, 1.5 hours on the weekends), followed all the dynamics, made sure my notes were clear, made sure it flowed well and didn't sound choppy and made sure that i didn't get a "hiccup" when i pedalled every note. i have bruises on my thumbs and pinkies and it hurts to type.
even my mom was like, wow, i've never seen you practice so much before and it sounds really good too. i was excited for the test cuz i knew i was really ready for it. well, the time came and i did my test. seriously, i think he hates me. "why is it so short?" i was just like... what? why is it so short?! buddy! that's half of the freaking song! (and no it's not one of those itty bitty songs where it's like.. 3 notes per page. it's gr 4/5 level with actual notes on the page.)
i didn't say anything and he's like.. okay, i'll let you get away with it. i'm like ya, shut up (in my head). then he tells me to play it again but faster. the day before, i played the song for him and he didn't say anything. i had a few mistakes when i was playing for him (not test day) cuz i was nervous so he's like, it's fine, just no mistakes on test day. and now he's telling me to play faster?? i was already very angry and nervous as hell. i thought i could do it but then my hand slipped cuz they were so sweaty. at the end he was just like mhmm.
FRICK.
he gave me an 80. a freaking ugly eight zero. I PRACTICED MY FREAKING ASS OFF FOR 18 HOURS ON THIS SONG, GOT MY FINGERS ALL BRUISED UP, AND I LOSE -20%- CUZ HE THOUGHT IT WAS SHORT (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HALF THE SONG AND THE SAME LENGTH AS THE PARTS EVERYONE ELSE PLAYED) AND CUZ I MADE A MISTAKE PLAYING IT FASTER AFTER HE TOLD ME THAT MY TEMPO WAS FINE THE DAY BEFORE!
that's not fair. i deserve more than an eighty. i got the lowest mark in the class. when i left, i was half crying, trying to hold my tears in cuz it wasn't fair. why should i try so hard at something and still get such a mark. i know, you think 80's not bad. but the thing is, i've never gotten less than 95 for all my music years. -never-. all my music years at AY, i've gotten 99 (even in piano class with a different teacher) except for last year with walker. he gave me 72. i didn't think much about the 72 cuz i stopped trying after like, 5 tests so i deserved that. so comparing these marks with my old marks, it just makes me feel really bad. like i'm not trying hard enough when really, i did try. 18 hours for half a song is enough, shouldn't be?
the sad thing is... i really love piano and playing it and i don't think i'm bad at it. but walker... he just makes me cringe whenever i see a piano. is a teacher supposed to do that? make the only thing you love and try so hard to do well on look so detestable.
what am i gonna do about the next test. oh man. music is gonna leave me with blood shot eyes. someone, help me.
sigh, today was not a good day.
it all started with keyboard/piano class. and the walking man. sigh.
starting friday, i've been practicing my butt off for this music test. at first, i couldn't play this song very well cuz the pedalling technique was giving me a -very- hard time. it wasn't like your normal pedal at every bar kinna thing. i actually had to look on the sheet for places i had to pedal. the hard thing was, there were a lot of sharps distributed in awkward areas and random off beat eighth notes. add in the weird pedaling at every 1-5 chord (as opposed to 1-3-5 chord) and then lifting it up at the awkward eighth notes so you can bring it down again on the off beat of the next consecutive beat. confusing eh? i don't even know if i typed that right.
he only gave us one week to learn a song and lets us do parts of the song (16+ bars). well for my song, it was two pages so i thought that one page is a good partial. i practiced so much for it (3 hours on weekdays, 1.5 hours on the weekends), followed all the dynamics, made sure my notes were clear, made sure it flowed well and didn't sound choppy and made sure that i didn't get a "hiccup" when i pedalled every note. i have bruises on my thumbs and pinkies and it hurts to type.
even my mom was like, wow, i've never seen you practice so much before and it sounds really good too. i was excited for the test cuz i knew i was really ready for it. well, the time came and i did my test. seriously, i think he hates me. "why is it so short?" i was just like... what? why is it so short?! buddy! that's half of the freaking song! (and no it's not one of those itty bitty songs where it's like.. 3 notes per page. it's gr 4/5 level with actual notes on the page.)
i didn't say anything and he's like.. okay, i'll let you get away with it. i'm like ya, shut up (in my head). then he tells me to play it again but faster. the day before, i played the song for him and he didn't say anything. i had a few mistakes when i was playing for him (not test day) cuz i was nervous so he's like, it's fine, just no mistakes on test day. and now he's telling me to play faster?? i was already very angry and nervous as hell. i thought i could do it but then my hand slipped cuz they were so sweaty. at the end he was just like mhmm.
FRICK.
he gave me an 80. a freaking ugly eight zero. I PRACTICED MY FREAKING ASS OFF FOR 18 HOURS ON THIS SONG, GOT MY FINGERS ALL BRUISED UP, AND I LOSE -20%- CUZ HE THOUGHT IT WAS SHORT (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HALF THE SONG AND THE SAME LENGTH AS THE PARTS EVERYONE ELSE PLAYED) AND CUZ I MADE A MISTAKE PLAYING IT FASTER AFTER HE TOLD ME THAT MY TEMPO WAS FINE THE DAY BEFORE!
that's not fair. i deserve more than an eighty. i got the lowest mark in the class. when i left, i was half crying, trying to hold my tears in cuz it wasn't fair. why should i try so hard at something and still get such a mark. i know, you think 80's not bad. but the thing is, i've never gotten less than 95 for all my music years. -never-. all my music years at AY, i've gotten 99 (even in piano class with a different teacher) except for last year with walker. he gave me 72. i didn't think much about the 72 cuz i stopped trying after like, 5 tests so i deserved that. so comparing these marks with my old marks, it just makes me feel really bad. like i'm not trying hard enough when really, i did try. 18 hours for half a song is enough, shouldn't be?
the sad thing is... i really love piano and playing it and i don't think i'm bad at it. but walker... he just makes me cringe whenever i see a piano. is a teacher supposed to do that? make the only thing you love and try so hard to do well on look so detestable.
what am i gonna do about the next test. oh man. music is gonna leave me with blood shot eyes. someone, help me.
the butterflies played at 6:35 p.m.
-:-people in the crowd set 9 of them free
-:-people in the crowd set 9 of them free