Wednesday, January 31, 2007
the people in my head are odd, thus, i'm odd
i was being weird today (i think due to my sleepyness) and i thought about a lot of stuff. i found something that really bothered me. is it weird for friends to rarely have arguements? when i say arguments, i mean strongly disagreeing with each other... to the point where someone might even walk away angry or whatnot. i don't know why but it just doesnt feel quite right... i mean, can 2 people be so alike that they never have such arguements? or is one of them just constantly letting the other step on them? or maybe you just don't know each other well enough to state your pov, defend it, be angry when the other disagrees and argues, and then mend the gap. i mean, wouldn't that be a stronger friendship (in general) then those who never fight?
i guess there -are- cases out there where close friends have never faught before.
or maybe i just need someone to tell me i'm wrong. then i could disagree with them, have an arguement and be satisfied with our friendship.
i think my brain's a little off today.
the truth is...
i'm angry.
and annoyed at some friends in my life where it seems like i'm always stepped on. i don't state my pov because i'm scared that what their opinions may be will contrast with my own. i'm scared to hurt a friend or be angry with that friend. i want to be able to state my feelings, my opinions, my thoughts without being scared that they'll dislike me for it... because that's what i call a friend. i'd hate to discover that certain people i call -friends- aren't really friends.
i'm not saying that i have to argue with them. i'm just sad because i prefer to get stepped on over getting into an argument. i care about others over myself way too much. i feel so dang pathetic.
i think i can be a pushover too. (surprised?) i know i'm blunt but there will always be that part of me that cares more about my friends than myself. the part of me that balances my blunt part. without it, i think i'd be a horrible, horrible person.
but now, i feel like as if that caring side of me is becoming overdominant...
sigh, this is a problem with myself. i'm gonna have to do something about this. =\ i'm grateful that i do have friends whom i can count on and not be afraid that they won't accept me.
it's been 1.5 hours since the time i said i would go eat. what am i doing. -_-;
i guess there -are- cases out there where close friends have never faught before.
or maybe i just need someone to tell me i'm wrong. then i could disagree with them, have an arguement and be satisfied with our friendship.
i think my brain's a little off today.
the truth is...
i'm angry.
and annoyed at some friends in my life where it seems like i'm always stepped on. i don't state my pov because i'm scared that what their opinions may be will contrast with my own. i'm scared to hurt a friend or be angry with that friend. i want to be able to state my feelings, my opinions, my thoughts without being scared that they'll dislike me for it... because that's what i call a friend. i'd hate to discover that certain people i call -friends- aren't really friends.
i'm not saying that i have to argue with them. i'm just sad because i prefer to get stepped on over getting into an argument. i care about others over myself way too much. i feel so dang pathetic.
i think i can be a pushover too. (surprised?) i know i'm blunt but there will always be that part of me that cares more about my friends than myself. the part of me that balances my blunt part. without it, i think i'd be a horrible, horrible person.
but now, i feel like as if that caring side of me is becoming overdominant...
sigh, this is a problem with myself. i'm gonna have to do something about this. =\ i'm grateful that i do have friends whom i can count on and not be afraid that they won't accept me.
it's been 1.5 hours since the time i said i would go eat. what am i doing. -_-;
the butterflies played at 9:38 p.m.
-:-people in the crowd set 4 of them free
-:-people in the crowd set 4 of them free