Saturday, March 31, 2007
reality hits very hard. and it hurts. very much.
tonight was one of those really good fellowship nights where you just pour your heart out without being afraid of people judging you... it was great! i loved it. :)
i'm really glad that i got to talk to reenie and sharon so deeply tonight. it was so relieving to know that i'm not the only one with the school problems or the nights when i'm just confused as to whether or not i'm living my life correctly. it's a big motivation and it takes a -huge- amount of weight off my shoulders, although it does add some weight in the sense that you learn about other's troubles. but anyhow, i'm just really glad that tonight went the way it did. :D
update on my life i guess:
i haven't gotten any acceptances yet and right now, my marks aren't looking good. i told myself sometime last semester that i will do well and i -will- get into university no matter what. but here i am, typing away and worrying over the very evident fact that i may not get into any universities.
as of now, my avg is in the mid-high 60's. yeah, i know, it's horrible. i thought i could pull it up but i just couldn't at the point i was at. so to pull that up to a 75+, i need high 80+ in all the courses i am in right now. what am i getting? 70's. ugly, horrific, -terrifying- 70's. 70'S IN ENGLISH! HOW CAN THAT BE?!
my dad called today and asked me about acceptances. why? cuz MARTIN GOT INTO 4/6 UNIS THAT HE APPLIED TO. thank you martin. thank you v.v. much. "so, how many have you gotten into?" "um.... none..." "oh..." "well, it's different for different programs...." *dad catches my lame excuse* "right..." "yeah." and this goes on excruciatingly. ugh!
there is just so much pressure right now. my mom, my dad, my friends, myself. so. much. pressure. i can't take it! why does it feel like the end of the world just cuz i MAY NOT be getting into uni?! i don't understand. i really don't. why do i feel obligated to go to university and if i don't i'll live the rest of my life as some useless teenager who is a hopeless and obvious failure in school and life. (that was a horrible sentence btw, grammar and wordy-wise)
i'm just so frustrated right now. i have to read a book (400 something pages) and HAND WRITE 10 PAGES (back and front) OF NOTES BY MONDAY. so uh, i have approx. one day to do this. plus, i have to study for my math test which is tomorrow. it's on limits, rates of change, trig limits... the stuff i can't do in other words. and i failed my first test. at this rate, i'm failing this one and my midterm will be a fail. whoopee! jump for joy cuz si si's gonna live in the dumps in the alley where the cats pick at the garbage. >_>
I. AM. SOOOOOOOO. SCREWED.
-SOMEONE! SAVE ME! PLEASE!-
(this is where God comes in)
*cue God!*
T_________________T *sniff*
i'm really glad that i got to talk to reenie and sharon so deeply tonight. it was so relieving to know that i'm not the only one with the school problems or the nights when i'm just confused as to whether or not i'm living my life correctly. it's a big motivation and it takes a -huge- amount of weight off my shoulders, although it does add some weight in the sense that you learn about other's troubles. but anyhow, i'm just really glad that tonight went the way it did. :D
update on my life i guess:
i haven't gotten any acceptances yet and right now, my marks aren't looking good. i told myself sometime last semester that i will do well and i -will- get into university no matter what. but here i am, typing away and worrying over the very evident fact that i may not get into any universities.
as of now, my avg is in the mid-high 60's. yeah, i know, it's horrible. i thought i could pull it up but i just couldn't at the point i was at. so to pull that up to a 75+, i need high 80+ in all the courses i am in right now. what am i getting? 70's. ugly, horrific, -terrifying- 70's. 70'S IN ENGLISH! HOW CAN THAT BE?!
my dad called today and asked me about acceptances. why? cuz MARTIN GOT INTO 4/6 UNIS THAT HE APPLIED TO. thank you martin. thank you v.v. much. "so, how many have you gotten into?" "um.... none..." "oh..." "well, it's different for different programs...." *dad catches my lame excuse* "right..." "yeah." and this goes on excruciatingly. ugh!
there is just so much pressure right now. my mom, my dad, my friends, myself. so. much. pressure. i can't take it! why does it feel like the end of the world just cuz i MAY NOT be getting into uni?! i don't understand. i really don't. why do i feel obligated to go to university and if i don't i'll live the rest of my life as some useless teenager who is a hopeless and obvious failure in school and life. (that was a horrible sentence btw, grammar and wordy-wise)
i'm just so frustrated right now. i have to read a book (400 something pages) and HAND WRITE 10 PAGES (back and front) OF NOTES BY MONDAY. so uh, i have approx. one day to do this. plus, i have to study for my math test which is tomorrow. it's on limits, rates of change, trig limits... the stuff i can't do in other words. and i failed my first test. at this rate, i'm failing this one and my midterm will be a fail. whoopee! jump for joy cuz si si's gonna live in the dumps in the alley where the cats pick at the garbage. >_>
I. AM. SOOOOOOOO. SCREWED.
-SOMEONE! SAVE ME! PLEASE!-
*cue God!*
T_________________T *sniff*
the butterflies played at 10:50 p.m.
-:-people in the crowd set 0 of them free
-:-people in the crowd set 0 of them free