Monday, August 06, 2007
"i like it, because it's bitter."
especially certain people.
i'm so sick of code names or "mysterious" whoevers, but i don't say names for the sake of your feelings. one minute i'm saying happy things to someone and then next, i'm so angry--at the same person. i wish i could hit something, make a lot of noises, get this bitterness out.
God, help me.
honestly, i have so many questionable friendships. am i being used? was i used?
haha, mir said i was used as an ego booster. i was an ego booster.
i wish i was an ego booster for someone who deserved it. not some inconsiderate freak, haha.
one day, when i gather the maturity, i'm gonna walk up to your face and tell you how immature you were. and utterly pathetic.
man, i look forward to that day.
-:-people in the crowd set 10 of them free
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
ping pong ping pong
yay! i'm going to watch transformers todayy!! *dances*
update on life so far? not much going on except SOFTBALL!! YAAR!!
we've won 2 out of 3 games so far!! and we're gonna play my friend's team again (sac of rice). hm.. i think we have a good chance for playoffs again this year. :D so exciting!! and our team is awesome. :) everyone's so cheerful and lurvely. :P i love how much spirit we have... even when the other team might not be responding in the same manner. it's so crucial to rememeber the Lord when we play these games... because events may hinder us to do otherwise. and also, i think it's more important to set a good example for the non-believers who also play on the teams. :)
man, my dad's gf's daughter has so many euro songs. so awesome. xD *steals many* ^^ they're mostly dj infinity's... who kinna incorporates a lot of euro songs into LOOOOONG 2 houred songs. o.o
anyhow, movie time. :D
-:-people in the crowd set 1 of them free
Sunday, July 08, 2007
here's a rant for you
greg: yeah, she's good, i think we'll keep her at first base.
jonc: who, cindy? yeah.
*si si's standing at home base, looking very bored and feeling dull cuz she was supposed to play first base*
jonc: dhoui never comes to practice. where's he gonna play?
greg: haha, he'll play home.
*si si is not eavesdropping*
*but that was harsh*
*first base position taken from her*
*and now she is totally ignored for playing homebase*
jonc: then what's si si gonna play?
*silence*
shafted.
throw me around will you? i'll play any position. no skillz here.
maybe they think i don't have any preference.
well, guess what? i do. i -want to- play first base.
but w/e. it doesnt matter i guess.
it never really matters.
not for me anyway.
sorry if i look bored.
i am.
oh, if i miss a catch at home, sorry, you can blame it on me.
no one really remembers where the ball came from.
just where it ends up.
even if it was a bad throw.
blame it on me.
i can take it.
i think.
there's this thing with me being taken for granted.
it happens quite often, actually.
i don't know how it happens.
but it does, and i don't like it.
maybe it's cuz i'm too soft.
i should be more backbone/brickwall?
instead of jellyfish, you know.
cuz i really hate it when people just bug me without thinking how i feel.
and i realized.
a lot of my friends do that to me.
maybe without noticing it?
but it leaves a wound you know?
like, a big wound.
with blood everywhere.
kinna like jonchen's injury.
but enlarged.
and it's on my heart.
can i ask you something?
does it even matter what my feelings are?
i mean, do people have any consideration?
or are they just stupid?
like, very stupid?
or maybe people are just too selfish to care.
rant all you want to me!
i will take it all in.
i'll take it all as my own.
i can take it, don't worry.
i'll try to help you if i can.
or those who don't want help, just rant to me.
i can't fathom the goodness of that.
but it's okay, rant to me.
i'll take it all as my own.
cuz i'm not someone who can forget another's problems.
i just can't.
perhaps that's one of my weaknesses?
i care too much?
but they don't know it.
the people who rant to me?
they don't know i think of their problems almost everyday.
like i said, i'll take it as my own.
but you know...
except for peggy and jonsy and james...
no one's really helped me.
at least, my questions and thoughts were never eased.
if that makes sense.
maybe no one understands me, that's all.
or no one bothers to understand me.
sometimes, i wonder why God says we shouldn't yoke with unbelievers.
cuz frankly, some of them are a hell lot better than believers.
but that's not surprising, is it?
no, not really.
i mean, i don't wan't to judge people.
but even for myself now...
God seems to only be existent when i have a problem.
my mom used to tell me:
"if you get something you want,
and you think it's from God,
but the method you used to get it,
was not from God,
it won't work out."
i guess it works kinna like this:
i have food to eat, this yummy sandwich of mine.
i thank God! thank You for this sandwich.
but wait.
i stole it.
i'm thanking God for a sandwich that i stole.
oops, here comes the police.
i guess that didn't work out, did it?
the biggy is lying.
lying to get something you want.
maybe if you ask God for forgiveness, it'll be okay.
but everyone knows it doesnt always work like that.
especially if you're half-hearted at it.
good luck, i guess.
too bad God doesn't believe in luck.
but he's a good God, fair and just.
so don't worry much.
it may hurt, more than a little even.
but don't worry much.
God is love.
so i guess this is my rant.
it accumulates, really.
seeing... how it's... very long.
but thanks for reading, those who did read it.
-:-people in the crowd set 9 of them free
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
no ipods downtown?? no way.
i'm not kidding.
i probably took approx. 10 breathes of air without cigarette smoke in it. and that was inside the eaton centre.
what has our society come to? what will happen next? will we be carrying tubes around?
you know what i mean by tubes. and if you don't go look around your school, i guarantee some tubes. and if you don't go to school, well, too bad. :)
on a lighter note...
actually, i have nothing to say on a lighter note. oh, hold on.
I'M DONE MY EXAMS!~
movie time! :D
oh, my job interview? it went great, i guess. problem is that i may have to miss softball once in a while. which i really don't want to... so now i'm contemplating on whether i should do this job or not. i REALLY don't want to miss softball.
anyhow, i'm going to watch ocean's 12.
-:-people in the crowd set 8 of them free
Sunday, June 03, 2007
spiders, photoshop, and the splish-splashing rain
multicoloured eye:
enjoy! :)
-:-people in the crowd set 14 of them free
Saturday, June 02, 2007
a-b-c, easy as 1-2-3
A
- Available: yes
- Age: still miserably 17
- Annoyance: hypocrites and superficial people
- Animal: dogs... dogs.... and more dogs, thanks.
- Actor: that i don't like? kristen dunst.
B
- Beer: tastes horrible! how can you drink this stuff?? O_O;
- Birthday/Birthplace: sept 24/china
- Best Friend: i honestly don't know anymore. =\
- Body Part on Opposite Sex: hands (i would say eyes but all the guys i liked have been asian or had brown eyes. -o-)
- Best feeling in the world: to know that you're significant
- Big words: iliketomakeupmywordsalotsoalotofwordsenduplookingverybig :P
- Blind or Deaf: hmm. blind, so i don't have to care about looks.
- Best weather: it really depends. i love both warm and cold weather-- it just has to be at the right times.
- Been in Love: i believe so.
- Believe in Yourself?: to a certain extent, yes. how do you expect to accomplish things if you don't believe in yourself.
- Believe in life on other planets?: imo, no, not really. or else God probably would've let us know.
- Believe in Miracles?: definitely.
- Believe in Magic?: yes.
- Believe in Santa: nope, unless my grade 12 calc teacher counts. he's pretty disfigured to be a santa. i don't know why they choose him, really.
- Believe in Ghosts/Spirits: yup.
C
- Car: i don't know. it always changes. hehe ^^
- Candy: hmm... gummy bears? or those peach rings. yum~
- Colour: it's blue again. but apparently, red or forest green looks best on me. heh.
- Cried in School?: ohh yeah.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla
- Cake or pie: ice cream cake, mousse cake, or cheese cake. otherwise, apple/lemon pie.
- Country to visit: europe (not a country, w/e.) and japan
D
- Day or Night: night
- Dream Vehicle: i hate repeated questions.
- Dance in the rain?: i wish! i'll dance if i have someone to dance with. hehe~ :)
- Do the Splits?: used to. now i can't cuz i haven't done it in 6 years. =\
E
- Eggs: give you calcium (i think. it does, right? omg -.-;)
- Eyes: brown
- Ever failed a class?: haha, yeah.
F
- First Crush: my best friend in china. i forgot his name but he was 2 years older than me and he brought me everywhere he went. i was only 6 but i still remember him... *sigh*
- Full Name: no, i'm not saying it cuz you'll laugh.
- First thoughts waking up: "crap, it's school today. oh wait, i have a spare! thank GOD. *goes back to sleep*" <-- only every other day though. sometimes it's "i have to go pee." :) - Food: is not to be eaten at night. :D (except if you have a high metabolism)
G
- Greatest Fear: losing someone i love.
- Get along with your parents?: a minority of the time, yes.
- Good Luck Charm: i don't believe in luck. actually, scratch that cuz i believe whitney and jonchen are lucky. so no, i don't have one. lol~
H
- Hair Colour: black and proud of it. who needs hairdye these days? i lurve me black hair.
- Height: 5'4
- Holiday: Christmas all the way!
- How do you want to die: of old age? peacefully? duh?
- Health freak?: no, not really.
- Hate: spiders. bugs. anything uncute and are alive and are not people.
I
- Ice Cream: green tea!! or cookies and cream~ or french vanilla. mmmm, i want ice cream now. hehe.
- Instrument: flute and piano
J- Jewelry: i will only allow myself to wear one thing at a time (unless it's a special ocassion. then it's all out!! ... haha, j/k. that'd be scary. bling bling*)
K
- Kids: i love kids! well, gr. 3+ if i have to deal with them. gr. 2- are only fun to be with for... at the most, 10 mins. :)
- Keep a journal?: muahah, yeah. my hidden blog! it's very pretty. ^^
L- Longest Car Ride: to montreal. i think it was like, 7 hours or something (we didn't go straight there).
- Love: is considerate but non-overanalytical.
- Letter: um... s? or l or h. i hate cursive s's though. =\
- Laughed so hard you cried: that's everytime. haha. "omg, si si, are you okay?? ahha.." *me laughing and nodding and crying at the same time*
- Love at first sight: no no, it's lust at first sight, remember?
- LAST PERSON WHO...
2. Saw you cry? winna
3 Went to the movies with you? whitney, irene, and james. (spiderman~)
4. You went to the mall with? stella and julie
5. You went to dinner with? whitney, reenie, andrea and the dmci cyber people.
6. You talked to on the phone? some advertising thing.
7. Made you laugh? my brother
M- Milk Flavor: strawberry
- Marriage?: definitely. please God, let me marry. xD
- Motion Sickness?: only if i read books or play video games (<-- in jonchen's car, haha.) N- Number of Siblings: two
O
- Overused Phrases: "i don't care"
- One wish: to be able to live a fairly comfortable life (with a career)(and kids) in the future with someone i love and who loves me.
- One phobia: athazagoraphobia
P
- Place you'd like to live: i don't know. i can't imagine anywhere else other than toronto... so sad. haha.
- Perfect Pizza: i eat any pizza.
- Pepsi/Coke: i don't know. is there really i difference? i dont drink coke or pepsi that often.
Q-Quail: tastes pretty good if you cook it right~
R
- Reason to cry: you're feeling sad.
- Reality T.V. : boring.
- Radio Station: 97.3 or 103.5
S
- Song: recently, it's -don't speak- by no doubt
- Shoe size: 8 or 8.5
- Salad Dressing: italian or the one with the poppy seeds or the orange-red one. :D
- Sushi: sashimi or the eel one, those are the best. any sushi would do though.
- Scent: hawiian ginger or tahitian orchid
- Skipped school: hell yeah.
- Slept outside: nope. i've never been camping before either.
- Seen a dead body?: on tv, yes. i've seen 3 irl but they were covered with something. so i guess... no?
- Smoked?: i would commit suicide before i smoke.
- Shower Daily?: yes. ew, how can you not? *shivers*
- Sing well?: i think i can improve. i'm still trying to get rid of my fear of singing non falsetto. i don't like having people look at me or pay attention to me (unless it was a guy i liked, lol)... so i always sing falsetto. it stands out less. (i can sing -because of you- by kelly clarkson. the key change at the end is killer but it's been doable. o.o;)
- Stuffed Animals?: I LURVE THEM. i have my very own collection around my bed. my bed is where i am queen and is praised by stuffed animals. oh heaven~~ 8)
- Strawberries/Blueberries: definitely strawberries... unless you can find me really sweet blueberries.
- Scientists need to invent: air conditioning or heating bubbles for summer/winter. it'd be so cool! you know.. "ah, it's very hot today. let me step in my ac bubble and stay cooled while i walk to school." oh the joy that day will be... ID
T
- Time for bed: whenever i feel like it. or whenever my mom makes me... =\
- Thunderstorms: i can't live without them. i love thunderstorms.. hehe.
- TV: i don't watch tv anymore.
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: that's so dirty, ew. why would you want to lick your nose... yuck~
U- Unpredictable: i don't know. you'll have to ask someone else. (jay, am i unpredictable? haha... *this is a test to see if you've read up to here!* if you don't answer this, it means you didn't. muahahaha.. but you're not obligated to so i have no means of punishing you. ^^)
V
- Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts, after finally encountering with them.
- Vegetable you love: lettuce and baby carrots.
- Vacation spot: a beach somewhere. cuba anyone? i love that place. the water is transparent! (which makes it very scary, actually. cuz you can see where the sand ends and land just drops from under you. O_O;)
W
- Weakness: defensive. it could be a strongpoint too... but it really depends when.
- When you grow up: i want to travel a lot and see God's world.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: we're all unique, so no one. :)
- Who makes you laugh the most: mo. hehe.. she's so funny. :D
- Worst feeling: being taken for granted or not having your feelings considered or being played
- Wanted to be a model?: no, are you kidding me? i like food, thanks.
- Where do we go when we die: to heaven or hell.
- Worst weather: super hot summer day. ugh, the thought of it makes me feel sticky and icky all over. ew..
X -X-Rays: are hazardous to your health.
Y
-Year it is now: 2007
-Yellow: sun, bees, dandelions, sunflowers, my mom's fave colour, pee, eggs
Z
- Zoo animal: if they have: pandas, polar bears, dolphins, bears, tigers and lions.
- Zodiac sign: libra/snake
-:-people in the crowd set 4 of them free
Friday, June 01, 2007
pause. consider. go on.
...
yeah well, i guessed right.
-:-people in the crowd set 1 of them free